The accidental break-up

Seeing as how yesterday was Black Friday, I know you're all dying to hear about my shopping escapades from this year. Well, I'll get to that later this week. I already have a few topics for this blog and the horrors of Black Friday really deserve their own post.

But before we get to my mysterious blog title, I wanted to talk about how our readers affect us. When I started blogging a little over a year ago, there were possibly 4 people who actually tuned in on a regular basis. They were all friends of mine, with whom I feel relaxed. And thus, I never censored myself (except when I'd use the actual word 'censored' as a joke, of course).

That's all changed now. Before I write a post, I have to think of who will be reading this, and what they will say to me later on. Who are these people that I speak of? Well, for starters, one boss, multiple ex-girlfriends, a crazy woman in Seattle, and possibly a family member (one of these things is not like the other). I have the luxury of maintaining amicable friendships with most of my ex's. So I try not to divulge too many sordid details about our relationships (see, dottie? You can teach an old dog new tricks). And so on and so forth, with the other people I listed. You get the idea.

Which brings me to another thought. Have you ever centered an entire post around some message that you wanted to get across to one person? I certainly have. Sometimes, you can express yourself differently in this place. When you can carefully plan out each word, even a brainless oaf could sound like Shakespeare (not that I plan out half of the things that I write). Let me give you an example. If I was dating a girl who was fat (don't worry...I've never dated a fat chick), and wanted her to lose weight.... then maybe I would write a post about healthy living and how much I love to exercise. I could get the message across without having to bring up a potentially insulting conversation (that may end in my bodily harm).

Of course, sometimes I'll read other people's blogs...and I wonder if they're trying to talk to me. But we'll get back to that.

This post is becoming way too long. Let's get a move on, eh? Let's see...what do we have left? Oh right... my blog title. Yeah, let's tell that story. It's time for my own therapy....

Lately, I've been dating someone. Only for a few months. She was very different from my last girlfriend. Not better, or worse. Just different. I think we look for that, after a break-up. Someone nearly opposite of our last "significant other". Sometimes it's a step in the right direction...and sometimes it isn't. which begs the question: Do we need to date the wrong people so that we'll appreciate the right ones? Think on that.

Anyway, so we'd been dating for about 2 months. Things were going well. We had a good time with each other. But for some reason, something didn't feel right. Now, don't take that to mean that something felt wrong...just...odd. To this day, I haven't figured out what that thing was ...and I'll never get the chance now.

Ok wait, let's back up. She and I talked a lot. Yeah, I know that's normal...but not necessarily for me. And, like many boy/girl talks, we brought up past relationships and how they ended (see, this is the part where I try to get my point across without bringing up personal details). One thing she told me, that I always remembered, was that she wished some of her previous boyfriends had tried to talk to her before they broke up. And maybe, the straw that broke the camel's back could have been set on the ground instead (of being put on the camel's back....duh). And I think this is something that we all want. It's called good communication.

Alright, moving forward. So something felt odd. Something just wasn't clicking for me. Some men may have just broken up with someone, when they get that feeling so early in a relationship.... but not me. I took her words to heart. I decided to bring it up.... have a conversation about this. Perhaps she felt the same way and we could identify what was going on.
Well, I tried this. But it failed miserably. To be fair, I picked the worst way to bring it up....and followed that up by saying all the wrong things. And then, before I knew it, our little "talk" had become a break-up discussion. It was definitely not where I wanted it to go.

Now, the story goes on....and the tale doesn't end happily... but that's not where I'm going with this. I've come to the conclusion that you can't have that type of talk with someone. If something is wrong in your relationship... and it's big enough that you're thinking of breaking up with the person... AND it's something that you haven't brought up with them already, then it probably shouldn't be brought up. In a lot of cases, I would guess that it's something that you cannot fix. A Personality difference, a chemistry problem... sometimes you're just two different people. Let's use my previous example. Let's say that I'm dating this girl who was getting fat. And it has gotten to the point where I'm ready to break up with her over it. There is no way I'm going to "talk" to her about this.

Me: "Hi honey, I think we should talk. You're getting fat...and it's becoming a problem for me."

*Fat girl pulls out a gun and shoots Rob in the face*

See? That example ends in my death. Yes, it was a bit extreme...but I needed to fully expand on my point. In a perfect world, we could tell a person that we aren't clicking, and have a heart to heart... then leave as friends. But it doesn't work that way in real life.

I could go on...but this is way too long already...so let's summarize today's lessons.

1. If something is wrong with your relationship, make damn sure that it's something fixable before you have a "talk" about it. Also make sure that you know what the problem is, or you'll just make things worse.

2. When you write blogs, think about who will read them and how they will react. Of course, this only applies if you care how they feel.

3. Always carry a Twix bar around with you. If your girlfriend asks you if she looks fat, shove that baby in your mouth and start mumbling.

4. Fat women are people too. People who can buy guns. People who can shoot you with those guns.