a team of monkeys working round the clock

Posting a blog almost every day is a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's hard work (George Bush voice). You have to think ahead...plan your attack...find words that rhyme with incontinent (shmin-continent?).

Well, I was in my car this morning thinking of what I would write about. I had this great idea... but it'll have to wait. Today, my friends, you shall understand my utter vehemence towards DELDOT (Delaware Department of Transportation). Smith, you're gonna appreciate this one.

I don't like saying DELDOT...so let's change it's name just for today...hm....let's call it...SATAN.

So anyway, my first encounter with SATAN was my freshman year of college. It was October of 1999. I know this because my girlfriend had just broken up with me a few hours earlier.

I decided my best course of action was to rush back to Medford and win her heart. It was early in the day so I wasn't in a rush....until SATAN blocked my path. You see, SATAN loves to do construction on major highways. ... especially I-95.

So you're probably saying to yourself right now, "so what? Big deal...construction happens...would you like some cheese with your whine?" Well yea, I would... but let me explain.

This was no ordinary construction. In the 3 miles that I drive on I-95 to get to the Delaware Memorial bridge, there were 2...count em...2 construction sites. They didn't plan it that way...oh no... they're not mean...just stupid. They accidently planned 2 major road-works in 2 miles. Both of them bringing I-95 down to 1 lane.

There was no notice...just all of a sudden traffic came to a screeching halt and then you sat there for 3 hours. No signs to warn you to merge. No flaggers telling you to move over. No topless women on rollerskates to bring you a beverage (well, there were in my mind). It was terrible.

In case you were wondering, I did get her back...

of course it turned sour it didn't take long,
but that really isn't the point of this song
...
if you're looking for bitterness, I can oblidge
I've got 200 songs about how this love died,
but that's not the purpose of this diatribe,
to love's first sparks I'll stay germane,
to love's first sparks i'll stay germane.

Moving along...years passed...the wheel of time turned...fall turned to winter...winter to spring...you get the point. Over the years, I encounted SATAN always at the most inopportune times. Satan would be blocking a road that I needed to get to a job interview. SATAN would shut down exits off of I-95. One time, SATAN shut down ALL of I-95 from the Del. Mem. Bridge to exit 1B (imagine 12 lanes of rush hour traffic being funnelled onto rt 40). Never any warning signs until you were on top of it.

Today was no exception. I drive from South Jersey to Wilmington, DE each day for work. It sounds worse than it is. There's not much traffic that early until you get near the city. Everything slows down at the last traffic light before my building. I'm not complaining, though....I only lose about 5 minutes on average...nothing to cry about.

SATAN, however, wanted me to cry. So for days he plotted his attack...finding exactly how and when to block my vehicular path. What would totally screw me in the morning? I'll tell you...

...closing one lane of traffic (there are only 2) right at that light that already slows you down. I sat for 45 minutes, not knowing what was going on. Was there an accident? A police checkpoint? A Criminal On The Lose??? MASS HYSTERIA?!?!?!? PLAGUE?!?!? FLOOD?!?!?! ARMAGEDDON!!!!!

no...simply a small construction van that had closed one lane...and gave no warning to anyone that they would have to merge left. That was it. A stupid van. Had I been carrying a gun I would have shot someone...and I don't mean one simple shot to the head...no no, that's too nice. I would have shot them up their ass....let the bullet rip through their insides and they can bleed internally for 20 minutes before dying. Yeah, I was that mad.

I mean come on! Who is running DELDOT! My 3 year old nephew could plan a better job using only the Hot Wheels Parking Garage play set, and some Bob the Builder toys! I'd even give him some paper and crayons to write out the orders to his men! DELAWARE SUCKS!

oh yeah...and I'm moving here in 2 weeks...good grief!

Disclaimer: This post may contain spelling or grammar errors...but I am sick of looking at it...so I'm not fixing any of them...deal with it!