Hey, where's the cream filling?

It's amazing how food can change your entire day. If you get a cold hot dog for lunch, you'll spend the rest of the day feeling like someone ran over your puppy with a Mack Truck. On the other hand, if a waitress hands you a delicious (insert food name) that just dripping with (insert liquid) and coked to perfection, well then you'll feel better than when the Eagles won the superbowl this year (shut up and let me have my fantasy).

Now, what if that delicious food wasn't cooked at a restaurant? What if it came pre-packaged? (it's not delivery, it's DiGiorno). What if you didn't even have to cook this shining example of culinary perfection? You just open it and consume. Of course, I'm talking about...


Chocolate Kandy Kakes by TastyKake.


This masterpiece of dessserts (the extra s stands for Saturated Fatly goodness) is equally as powerful as the cookie in the Matrix. You know, the one that the Oracle gave to Neo that made him stop caring that his hopes and dreams had been dashed upon the pavement.

I can't get over how good it tastes. I could eat a million of them!

After returning from the euphoria that is in my mouth, I decided to do a little investigating. What ingredient can make a food so good? What is this magic additive that the TastyKake corporation is hiding away, and why can't I put it in all of my foods?

To accurately investigate the chemical additives of a tastykake, I needed a laboratory that was without germs...Without distractions....without bias. So I went to Wawa.

It was in this place that I discovered an entire shelf of these wonderful creations. Each different in its own, yet everyone more delicious than the last. There must be a connection....a common ingredient...but what?

As everyone knows, TastyKake keeps its recipes under lock and key...but I found the information. Those fools printed the ingredients right on the package!

Anyway, moving on....I read the ingredients of each and every tastykake (while sampling their level of chocolatey goodness). I found something. I know the key.

It is....


Natural and Artificial flavors!!


We need to market these. We'll make millions. I want these ingredients on every dinner table across the country! Right next to the salt and pepper shakers! Every meal you eat could taste like a chocolate cupcake!!!

I'm going to keep "researching" this more...if I'm not too fat to stand up in the end, then I'll tell you how it's going ...

peace out, my nizzles