Where's Abraham Zepruder when I need him?

There was a double assasination attempt on my life in the past 5 days.

Sure, you probably think I'm crazy. Poor Rob...it's so hard ruling the world. Maybe the stress has finally gotten to him. WELL IT HASN'T!

And so what if I've already drank 3 Red Bulls today before typing this? I needed to inform the public. The truth must be known. There is a conspiracy to end my life. First, they infected me with a virus, and then tried to stab me to death in a doctor's office. Oh, they said it was just a big needle....but I knew the truth...I was down with the 4-1-1!

Sorry....

Let me back up...

Last Friday was a good day. Work went fast. The weekend was so close. And I was about to go to my first Frisbee Party in almost a year. I was happy. A little too happy. that's why I let my guard down. Someone at the party infected me with the dreaded, and highly exotic, FLU. It started as a sore throat that night...but by Tuesday I was on my death bed. I was hot, I was cold, I was hungry, I was nauseaus. It was horrible! So I went to the Doctor.

Now, this is a trusted family doctor. I never thought he would sell me out to my enemies. But I was wrong....I was dead wrong.

He told me I needed a shot to help the pain. In my delerium, I had no complaints. All I could do was sit there while he left the office and a nurse walked in. She was carrying the biggest needle in the entire world! No joke....this thing was almost as long as my...my....hand...yeah, hand (get your mind out of the gutter Toms). And you'll never guess where she wanted to stick it!

That was when my animal instincts took over. I gathered my strength, then lunged past the nurse. As I thundered in to the waiting room, I dodged nurses and doctors, all who wanted to see me 6 feet under. Using only a handful of stolen tongue depressors, some rolls of tape, and 2 lab rats, I quickly constructed a 150 HP 2-seat car that fled the scene before my pursuers could finish their job.

I arrived home, thankful that my wits were still sharp. From now on I'll be cautious. No more doctors. No more doctors.

The end.




What....



You don't believe this story either??



FINE. I took the needle in the butt. I'm still sore! Is that what you want to hear?? DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY??? It turned out that they just wanted to give me the shot and not actually kill me. But there was a conspiracy....I'm sure of it.... keep your eyes open... keep your ears listening....


and keep watching the skiis......I mean, skies.....