I'm always fascinated when someone has a completely opposite opinion than I do. And I don't mean about important topics like religion, capital punishment, or which hottie on Baywatch we'd want to save us from drowning (definitely Nicole Eggert). I'm talking about simple opinions.
Let's take computers. Whenever someone tells me that they love Macs, I always have to ask why. I don't ask so that I can attack their opinion or anything...I'm just curious as to what drives a person to have this opposite opinion from myself.
Well let's move on to the point of my blog...
Recently, I was speaking with an unnamed associate at work. Let's call him Worky McBadprogrammer. No wait...I can't say someone is unnamed and then give them a name! Damn! Ok, forget that whole "unnamed" part. Anyway, Worky and I were talking about the economical repercussions of America becoming a Communist state, when somehow the conversation led to girlfriends and wives (see the connection?).
Worky felt adamant that a man and woman shouldn't live together before marriage. I, myself, believe otherwise...so I inquired further. His reasons had nothing to do with tradition or religion...they were quite logical. He believed that when you move in together, you cross a proverbial line. You become domesticated. In essence, you act like married people, BUT without actually being married. This is a problem because when married people have big fights, they do their best to resolve the situation...they've devoted their lives to each other and you can't just walk away from that. However, if this fight occurs and you aren't married, then you have the option to pack up and leave. At some point you'll think, "We're not even married and we're already fighting." He felt that living with someone only lead to downfall.
Personally, I don't think I could marry someone without living with them first. Granted, I wouldn't live with someone unless I felt that we were headed in the direction of marriage. So let's say I'd feel comfortable with the situation when we became engaged. My reason for this is that when you get married, you're going to have to wake up next to that person every day for the rest of your life. You'll see them at their best and worst...sick and healthy...yada yada yada. Now, I'm a man who likes is personal space. So if I couldn't live with a woman for a few months without wanting to kill her, then I'd know that we can't get married.
I'd like to state here, for the record, that I don't think that Worky McBadprogrammer is wrong. It's one of those situations where no one is wrong....just different opinions.
So I'd like input from other people. I know some readers are married. Some of you lived together before marriage and some didn't. Some live together now but aren't married. And some are man-hating feminists who won't let a man get within 10 feet of their knickers (oh yes, I went there).
Well, what do you guys think? Should a man and a woman live together before marriage? And why?
Discuss!
Friday, October 21, 2005
To live, or not to live...together?
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4 comments:
I am one of those "unmarried/living together" types right now. Ideally, I think it is special to wait until marriage to live together - but I know myself and my control issues. For me, after 4 years of college and many, many roommates, I have discovered how different people's living habbits are. It is hard to know if you can really live with someone and remain respectful of each other. Also through college, I was in a monogomous relationship, and we ended up having a sleepover every single night whether at my house or his. I know I love this kid, and I think that now that we are able to live together and remain happy, that makes marriage more appealing than ever. Regardless of a marriage certificate that "binds you" to make it work, loyalty and commitment can do the same thing. It gets hard, because relationships can be hard, but the benefits outweigh the costs for me. Outside of the mushy reasons, it makes sense for us economically. We both want to be in the same area, and instead of paying 2 separate rents and wanting to be together all the time like in college, we pay one together. It works for me, for now, so that's all I have to contribute. This concludes my virgin blog posting :)
If the only thing keeping you from breaking up is a marriage certificate, then the relationship is very troubled. I totally agree with Moriah that if you really love someone and want to make things work, a ring isn't going to make or break you.
I also totally agree with the economic thing. Sarah is my sugar momma right now, and once she starts Nursing School I'll be her sugar daddy. It all works out.
-there are two sides of this issue to examine. first is the level of independence of the individuals before moving in together. if both people are established, independent, and have proved they are perfectly capable of being happy living by themselves, then moving in together before marriage isn't such a bad idea. if you have two people who are, say, just coming out of college, have never lived in the real world by themselves, and have not established happiness through independence, then i don't think moving in together is the best idea. it's that adage that you can't be happy together if you're not happy alone thing. now personally, i don't think i'd want to live with someone before marriage, but that's a personal ethics choice for me...it's neither good nor bad...my problem is living with the person while married ;-)
While sitting in class listening to some random man discuss his research on ergogenic aids (really not as much fun as it could possibly sound), I found myself having no real reason to pay attention. I checked my email about 3 dozen times, I researched my NFL picks for this weekend for a good half hour, and then I figured..."hell, might as well check in with Rob's blog. It's been a while." With that said, you'll be proud to know that with this reply, I'm popping my blog cherry.
Onto why I decided to write: my father is a clinical social worker (AKA a mental health counselor but not). He has claimed that there is at least a 50% more chance of divorce among couples who reside together prior to marriage. Now, granted, that's not to say I wouldn't do it...I'm actually in the midst of discussing living arrangments with my boyfriend of more than 3 1/2 years come august when his current lease expires and I'll be done with school FOREVER (by that time, I'd be finished for about 6 months...such a wonderful feeling!) Just figured I'd give you all something to think about. With that said, class ended about 45 minutes early (thank goodness!) and I'm OUT!
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