Deciphering Men and Women

Ok, as promised...

I've been living a lie, folks. I'm not actually an IT consultant. For the past 3 years, I have been attending the Dr. Phil "Men are From Mars and Women are always Right" school. It was tough work, but I graduated. And now, I'd like to impart some of my new-found knowledge on all of my loyal readers.

So here it is. This is what men and women are really thinking when they say certain things:

Women's English
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive = Is Sex all you ever think about?


Men's English
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = I'd like to have Sex with you.
6. I am bored = I'd like to have Sex with you.
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have Sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have Sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have Sex with you.
10. Can I take you to dinner? = I'd like to have Sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay


There... as you can see, my time was not wasted. I hope you all have learned something today.