My network at work sucks and hasn't been letting on to blogger.com lately....
I've been thinking about weddings.
As Toms mentioned in her blog, Josh Stafford recently got married. It was a small ceremony and reception...only about 60 people there. It must have been very difficult to decide who goes and who doesn't go.
Conversely, almost a year ago I was at Condon's wedding and he must have invited around 100,000 people (that's an estimate). So I guess it wasn't too hard for him to decide who goes. "Hm... yeah I met that guy at the bar last week... he's invited!"
So I wonder. How do you decide? How much does a reception cost? Is it really so bad to add a few more to the list? Do you need to call people that you don't invite? You must have some friends that you would like to have, but just can't fit them in.
And what's the deal with not letting people bring a guest? I've been to 2 weddings in a row where I had to go alone! What good is a wedding if I can't take some girl and get her drunk?? It's absurd!
Um, ok that's all. This was supposed to be a well thought out post about weddings but I just don't have any organized thoughts today. I'm going to Atlantic City tonite so the only thing I'm thinking right now is "All In!"
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Wedding Bells
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5 comments:
It's a lot more complicated than you think.
While 100,000 was a conservative estimate, the total attending was around 205. We invited 250 or so, and found that the attrition rate of people who can't come was about expected (75%-90% are normally expected) As for cost, the reception is tabulated on a per head-basis. That cost is going to vary greatly based on the site. I'd expect per person to be anywhere from $40-$200 (we were somewhere in the middle). 200 is not the upper limit - crazy nice weddings will easily surpass that.
So is it that much to add a few friends on the borderline? Not really. In the grand scheme of things, it's a little money.
The tricky thing of building that headcount starts and ends with how much family you have and if you plan to invite them. My dad's side of the family is big (in numbers, and in height). I think they amassed 50 seats by themselves. Had each of the 4 family quarters been that, we would be at 200 in no time.
Don't forget to consider: friends from HS, from college, from work, friends of the family, and track-hurdling machines-turned-dance-floor-phenoms like Kyle Williams.
The bringing a guest issue is indeed dicey. Who gets to bring one? Who doesn't? If you do a blanket yes/no, you need to count up the single friends and multiply by two - in our case that would have been easily 30-40. So you have to weigh that group vs other people you know and may want to invite. Otherwise, that's an extra couple grand or so.
Picking and choosing friends to bring guests is okay, but that gets difficult, too. Besides, Rob, we got that good looking Armenian photographer to be your date.
Holy crap, that was a lot of wedding-speak. I better go hang some drywall while drinking beer and playing football simultaneously.
Ow, my thumb.
I've actually thought about wedding size before. The high end estimate was about 25 people. Keep in mind I don't have much extended family. I think keeping the invites to a minimum allows the option of all of the friends invited to bring a guest.
YES! My degenerate family has finally come in handy for something! Granted, I'll probably still need to invite at least 100 people after friends and such, but seriously, my parent's are divorced- my mom's side is...flaky and uninvolved, my dad's side is mostly too far away to be close with (he isn't even), and my stepmother's family is kind of a nonentity to mine. That leaves my stepdad's family. Yup, they're the closest family I have, and the biggest, so it'll be them, the closest relatives from my mom and dad's sides, and my friends. It all seems simple enough... Holy crap! I've already spent at least $10,000!! What about my fiance’s family and friends?! What about my dress, and the other dresses, and the tuxes, and the cake... I don't have that kind of money! My parent's don't have it either!! I can't ever get married!!!
...
Okay, I'm back. Now about the guest option. Yeah, it stunk that I couldn't go to Josh's wedding as your guest. From an invitee standpoint, not being able to bring a guest really blows, especially if most of your friends attending are coupled off. However, I can understand the reasoning behind such a decision on the part of the inviters. I wouldn't be all too thrilled to pay $100 a head for a bunch of random people I don't know well enough to name on my own wedding invitations, so it makes a lot more sense not too do that and invite more people I do know *trying to include a fair amount of singles in comparison to couples so that my wedding is enjoyed by all and doesn't make my single friends want to kill themselves instead.
I know marriage is very special, and that the wedding, as a celebration of that union, should be also, but wedding crap is just so ridiculous. It’s too much to worry about and far too expensive. From what I hear and what I’ve seen, I think something like Lou & Julie’s wedding would be the best way to go- a best man, a maid of honor, outside, self-catered, with some good music, a photographer, and cake…a fun and simple kind of beautiful where I’d feel comfortable instead of stuffy.
I don't believe Condon for one second. It's not common knowledge that the true arbiters of the guest list are the best man and the groom's dad. The formula said men use to calculate guest list quantities is as follows:
n = (x-Ay)/r
where
n = number of invited guests
x = number of extra cake slices required as leftovers for the best man and groom's dad (in this case, Spud + Mr. Condon * 1 year of cake * 1 slice of cake per week = 104)
A = area code where wedding is being held (in this case, 703)
y = the Kyle Williams dancing machine factor (most commonly reported as 0.084)
and r = wedding invitation attrition rate (0.18)
so, n = [104 - (703 * 0.084)]/0.18 = 250 guests
Don't believe me? Wait 'til this August, when Mr. and Mrs. Chris Condon get their cake slicer back from Spud as a one-year anniversary present.
My wife and I wound up covering the full cost of our wedding. My parents are divorced and more or less useless when it comes to money, and I think her parents (also divorced) each thought the other one was chipping in, because they ALL seemed to have a (negative) opinion on what we had planned.
Still, covering the costs ourselves meant we could tell people to get lost.
That said, when we made our complete list of desired guests, we came out at around 45 total, including 'and guest' for all the single people. Since the hall we had rented had a minimum of 50, we actually had invites left over that kinda went to waste, and the hall made food for 50 just in case.
Anyhow, cost wise you can get as low as 25 a head IF you are obsessive about saving money and have plenty of time and no real 'must have' items on your wedding list. I've heard of (non-celebrity / millionaire) weddings that ranged up to 250 a head for guests. All of the ones I've been involved in (including my own) were in the mid 2 figures per head. Also, most of the places I've seen have a 50 person minimum, although I read of one with a 35 person minimum.
I'd say for any kind of 'formal' wedding, you're looking at around ten grand overall.
As for 'adding a few more' - if you're below the minimum for the space you're renting, you start throwing invitations like candy. If you're up near the upper end, or already stressing your budget, I'm assuming the reverse might occur.
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