Why Lesbian Couples can't last

Because women are crazy.

THE END


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What? Need more? Ok, I'll explain.

From my vast history of dating, I've witnessed first-hand the special dynamic required for a man and a woman to carry on a successful relationship. The woman is the crazy one, and the man is the non-crazy one. Women cry for no reason, and they get angry at the drop of a hat. But that's not the biggest thing.

I gained a great insight into women recently. Yes, it was during a fight. No, I'm not going to divulge the specific details. So let's make up a fake situation that can still convey the same end result:

After beating Deep Blue at chess, and successfully discovering a cure for chronic halitosis, I came home for a nice night with J-love. She met me at the door with a scowl. Oh no, what did I do this time? Well, it seems that I went out to see the new John Cusack movie (Say Anything With a Vengeance) without her... and she's pissed.

So I told her that it wasn't a big deal and I'd be happy to go see it again with her. But that just made her more angry. You see, there was something I had missed. While I was out saving the world, she was sitting at home thinking about how she would confront me. She had the whole thing played out in her head. But when the real fight happened, I didn't react how she had expected. Something that was a very big deal to her, was very trivial to me. And because I figured that she was just being a crazy woman, I didn't give this situation the amount of attention and seriousness that it deserved.

Ok, so we never fought over a movie like that. Our real fight was something much more realistic. But I think I got the point across. Women expect men to lie down and surrender in a fight... and if we don't, then they get really mad.

I realize that we haven't gotten to lesbians yet... just hold on...

As men, we need to choose our battles. This is a very important lesson that I am learning. Sometimes, you may feel like your girlfriend is being completely ridiculous, and you'd like nothing better than to put her in her place (barefoot in the kitchen). But that's going to make things worse. So here's my advice: Think about the end result. Is it really worth fighting over? Is the issue of "leaving your socks on the floor" really worth the pain of a drawn out fight? Sometimes it's just better to say "you're right... I didn't realize I was doing it... I'll try to do better next time." And then the demons leave her head and she becomes normal again.

Now, back to the point. Lesbians couldn't do this. I don't care how butch they are. All women have this little voice inside that says "I'm right and my partner had better let me win."

This is why lesbian couples don't last long. Eventually this fight will come up. And there won't be any guy around to take the blame. Just two crazy over-emotional women.

NOTE: Ok yes, I do think all women are crazy. But I do want to clarify that my girlfriend is MUCH LESS crazy than most other women. And when we had a fight it really was my fault.... that time.