Sticks and Stones

Lately I've been thinking about the power of words. Choosing the right word in the right situation can make the difference between success and failure. The problem is that words are complicated, and their connotations are largely subjective. You have the definition of a word (or multiple definitions). Then you have the vernacular usage of a word. And you better not forget the perceived emotional effect from a word, which can differ between the speaker and the listener.

...and we wonder why our collective vocabulary shrinks with each generation.

Of course, I have a specific situation that I've been thinking about. But let's look at some generalities.
The easiest example of this is when you have a word which means nothing to one person but has great meaning to another. For instance, the "N" word (referring to black people) has no real meaning to me. I grew up in a time, and place, where racism didn't really come into play in every day life. So that word has no significance to me. But if I were to say that word to a black person who lived through segregation then they may become very upset.

I think a word that is closer to my generation is "gay". When I was growing up, a standard insult was to say that something, or someone, was "gay". It was a catch-all insult to mean anything we wanted. I don't think we ever made a real connection between that word and homosexuality. It was just something we said. But today I actually have some friends who identify themselves as gay, and some of them aren't happy with how casually it's thrown around. So do we need to stop saying it? Do they need to lighten up? Maybe both. Maybe neither. (Of course I could point out that the word didn't always refer to homosexuality, so I could claim that they stole it... and we want it back)

How about cultural differences? If you go to other countries, perhaps Ireland, then there's a decent chance that someone in a bar will call you a "c*nt". It's just a normal word they use. But if I called an American woman that then I'll get slapped.

Part of me wants to talk about Chris Rock here. He does some great stand-up routines delineating black people from N-words and gay people from F-words. Or I could talk about the funny scene in Boondock Saints where Willem Dafoe calls his gay lover a F-word for wanting to cuddle after sex. But I'm just too lazy to get in to all that.

Really, I'm thinking about much simpler words. I know someone that confused me for a while. In our first long conversation, she said that I was "gross" multiple times and also called some things "offensive" (and I didn't think that I was being either of those things). And yet she kept talking to me. Why was that? If I became offended by someone then I'd probably keep my distance from them.

So it took a while to realize that she throws those words around with less meaning than I do. They seem to be her fall-back descriptions... or even how she flirts with guys.

Well anyway. My point is that everyone should take an extra minute to consider how people process the words that you say them. Conversely, think about how you process words and whether you should make an effort to change it. Because the old adage, "stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is just plain false.