Oh What a night...

...early November 2004

OK, so I didn't post yesterday, but I have a good reason. No really! I do! What, you don't believe me? Well I'll just have to tell you my great excuse...er...I mean, reason... *flashback music*


I needed a hair cut. Pretty bad. So, I went to everyone's favorite Medford hair place, Gullo's. Now, I'm a man who likes to live dangerously...so I don't make appointments. I just walk in. Yeah, crazy, I know. It was my lucky night. They had an opening in 5 or 10 minutes.

So, I casually began perusing the ladies hair-spray aisle. My eyes were on the bottles, but my other senses were keenly aware of my surroundings. I could hear the people coming in and out of the store. I could feel the vibrations in the floor as others walked near me. I could smell the perfume of the girl standing next to me. I could taste the....well, you get the idea.

All of a sudden, someone came in. I knew he was trouble the moment I laid eyes on him. Something wrong about him. Then it hit me! His hair was perfect! He didn't need a hair-cut! Trouble was about to go down, with a capital T.

Thinking quickly, I backed farther into the aisle and grabbed a bottle of hair-spray off the shelf. As I popped the top off, I heard a sound that I've heard far too many times in my life. A sound that you never forget. It's the sound of a man turning off the safety on an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon. This was getting serious. I had to act fast before he saw me.

While the man screamed for everyone to get on the floor, I hid farther back in the aisle. With MacGuyver-esque speed and ingenuity, I reached into my pockets. Luckily, I always carry the small gun that Julie gave each one of us for that game of Assasins we played so many years ago (In my mind, the game never ends). I emptied the water across the aisle in front of me. Then, I filled the gun with hair spray.

Carefully stepping over the water spill, I walk to the front of the aisle and out into the open. The man saw me, turned, and raised his gun...but I mine was faster. I knew that years of sharp-shooting practice with that gun would pay off. I hit him right in one of his eyes with the hair spray, then ducked back into the aisle as ammunition flew past me.

I ran to the far end of the aisle this time, avoiding the water again, as the half-blind gunman chased me right into the trap. He slipped in the water. His legs flew above his head. His arms flailed wildly. And his gun dropped right into my waiting hands. With a calculated strike to the head with the butt of his rifle, I knocked him out.

The men cheered. The children danced. The women all asked to have my children. But I denied all forms of reward, until one stylist offered me a free hair cut. I had almost forgotten why I went to Gullo's in the first place. Yes, I would like a free hair cut.


And THAT, my friends, was how I got a free hair cut last night... THE END


ok, um..why are you looking at the screen that way?? You don't believe my story?? You don't think I'm capable of such feets! What an outrage!

Alright! so that's not exactly how it happened.

They actually just forgot that I was waiting for my hair cut and they let me sit for a half hour and they felt bad so I got my cut for free. Happy now?? I've told you the boring truth! The first story was much better! I can't ever please you people!! What do you want from me??? BLOOD?!?!?!

That's it, I'm leaving