Million Dollar Question

since the dawn of time, one question has plagued man-kind. It has sent men to madness. It has caused women to mis-carry at a mere thought. It has stolen candy from babies. It has....well, you get the idea.

The question is this: Why is it that the funniest moments in life can almost never be re-told? It's not that the re-telling is embarrassing. Somehow, the story just isn't as funny as when you were there.

Case in point: Now, I swore not to tell stories about Vegas so the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Justin Timberlake, Matt LeBlanc, and I had just arrived in Las Vegas. As we rode the shuttle bus to our hotel, we began to talk. We noticed that the airport was full of slot machines. People had told us that they were everywhere in Vegas. So we talked about how funny it would be if they had Slot machines in the bathroom stalls in the Bellagio. (insert bathroom gambling jokes).

Then we moved on to other places. How about slot machines at McDonalds? But instead of winning quarters you'd get Chicken McNuggets. Of course, at a normal casino you win quarters and then put quarters back into the machine to play. So, logically, you'd play the machine with McNuggets too. Now, it would just be ridiculous to put a McNugget in the slot to play the machine. I mean, come on...it would get dirty! The logical answer is that a giant fat guy stands next to the slot machine. You feed him a McNugget and then he pulls the lever for you. Which then spawns the question:

Me: "Could I just pull the lever myself?"
Fat Guy: "No.....and that question'll cost you a McNugget."

This went on a for a while but I think you get the idea. I'm laughing my ass off writing this story...but I bet none of you find it funny in the slightest. I could have told that a bit better...and you may have laughed a little.

But this is my point. No matter how well I wrote that story, it would never be as funny to you as it was to me. You just had to be there. But why? Why do you just have to be there? Can't we re-create a situation? Can't we make you feel like you were there? Is this what separates me from Comedians like Seinfeld and Chapelle? Is this why I can't write like Stephen King?

The world may never know the answers to these questions....and I leave you with one final thought: What hair color do they put on a driver's license of bald people?