Ok I have a bone to pick with you people. You know who you are! Each year, you get a little older and a little more out of shape. Therefore, you have the same New Years resolution; to get skinny again.
WELL STOP IT!
I can't go to the gym anymore because EVERY SINGLE cardio machine (treadmill, elyptical, stair master, etc) has some weekend-warrior fitness freak on it! You're ruining it for the rest of us! We like to go to the gym ALL YEAR ROUND and work out regularly. But my workouts are going to suck for the next month until these no-fitness hacks learn that they can't keep it up and start to let their routine slip day by day. And for those telling me to go outside and run... well, I can't. I have asthma. I wouldn't be able to run a single mile in weather below 50 degrees before my lungs close up. So I need the warmth of a gym. Fat people should go outside! They are warmer than me with all those extra layers!
Hey, here's a tip for how you can find that youthful body hiding under there...
PUT DOWN THE DAMN FORK!
Now, I'm not the healthiest eater in the world so you know it MUST be bad if I'm complaining about it.
Look, if you're going to make a new year's resolution then at least follow a simple rule. Your resolution needs to be measurable and attainable. Don't just say that you're going to lose weight and get in shape. Pick an amount to lose and a deadline to lose it by. then make a weekly routine that you are able to follow.
My resolution was to beat my previous time at the Broad Street Run in May. I've already laid out a longer workout timeline so I don't kill myself the week before the race.
Ok, that's all I got. In summary, stop fooling yourself. You can't lose weight. You can't get back in shape. Just go back and sit on the couch and continue watching re-runs of "The Biggest Loser".
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
More like "Blue Year's Resolutions!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Oooh baby, the mean and cynical you is just so SEXY!!
I think it's fabulous when an unhealthy person makes the decision to turn things around and get healthy, but I HATE all of the superficial resolutions to loose weight, work out more, go to the gym, eat healthier, stick to a diet, blah blah blah... that follow every freaking new year ever. I don't even go to the gym, but it's even worse to listen to the same people say the same cliché crap every January. It's ridiculous.
If you're going to get healthy, it's not about some miracle crash diet or two month spurt at the gym, it's about changing your lifestyle and making healthier choices all around. If you choose this path, and you stick to it, I'm happy for you. Good luck and congratulations! If not, maybe stop kidding yourself and punishing the rest of us, k?
I have high hopes for ther "fat people" label.
I admire those slightly flabby peeps who actually go to the gym for a while. Its the most intimidating place for an out of shape person to be. Even if eventually the rest of their lives win out over the gym.
Post a Comment