Canada's Secret Attack

For years now, I've suspected that Canada hated us. They envy our widespread use of regular bacon, and our superior grammar/diction. I always thought that one day the Mounties would come galloping through the trees in to Michigan for one major charge.

...but I was mistaken. Because they've been attacking us secretly for a long time already...

...with geese...

That's right. We've been under attack by Canadian Geese for some years now. I just received a company-wide notification e-mail which warned all employees to avoid these attacks.

The e-mail claims that this is "nesting season" so the geese are more aggressive... but I know the truth. They were re-programmed by the Canadians to attack us Southerners.

Here are some tips we were given, in the event of encountering one of these monsters...

1. Maintain direct eye contact and keep your chest and face pointed at the goose.
2. If the goose acts aggressively, calmly and slowly back away, watching for obstacles.
3. Maintain a neutral demeanor, i.e., do not act hostile or show fear.

Ok enough with theatrics. We really did get this e-mail (with those tips). And we really do get attacked by Geese each spring. It's pretty freakin hilarious.