Dating out of your League

A few years ago I wrote a post about pivotal moments that can significantly change your life. You can read it here. In that post, I mentioned that one of my pivotal moments had centered around a girl. You see, I felt that there had been a specific moment where I had the chance to win over a girl who was way out of my league - and that would have improved my life. But instead I missed my chance and life went on.

Well, tonight I was talking to an ex-girlfriend about another similar situation. I had met a girl a while back and became instantly attracted to her. I developed a classic "School boy crush" on her. But I hardly knew this girl and lost my window of opportunity very quickly. And like that, *poof* she was gone.

The point is that I was telling my ex that I would have been "trading up" if I had been able to go on a date with this new girl. And then my Ex got a little testy when I told her that I hadn't been "trading up" when I dated her. So then I had to delve in to my personal definition of "trading up" and also explain how relative it is.

Afterwards we started talking about how great the word "relative" is... but that's neither here nor there.

Let's talk about Trading Up.

For the purpose of this discussion, we will separate people in to 3 categories. Those that are better than us, those that are the same as us, and those that are not as good as us. And just so I don't sound like a complete ass, I will explain that further in a moment.

To really explain that, we need to talk about the qualities we want in a partner. Let's pick some stereotypical (and vague) attributes like:

Someone who is rich, good looking, smart, funny, talented, motivated, good job, athletic, etc.

Now when you meet someone, you compare them to you in each of these areas. If they score better than you in a lot of them then you would put them in the "better than you" category. If they are better in some areas and worse in some then they are in the same category as you, etc. You get the idea.

Ok back to "trading up". For me, it's not enough that they are a little better than me. To trade up, someone has to be A LOT better. I once chased a girl who was working on a doctorate in a science-related field, was a better runner than I was, was super hot, could sing and dance and play some instruments, and even went to church. She blew me out of the water in most categories. If I had ever dated her then I would have been trading up.

Trading up can be good, if it causes you to be motivated to work hard at your relationship. It can help you to constantly appreciate what you have, and not want to mess it up. Of course, if you trade up too far then you'll have to work too hard... and eventually get tired of always having to work so hard... it's a tricky balance.

Normally, we date people in our own class. That's common. That's normal. So to all of my ex's, please don't be offended when I say I never traded up with you.

Ever been with someone who had a crappy job, no motivation to better themselves, and you wondered why you were even with them? That's dating down. Don't do that.

So, um, I guess that's it. I hope you've learned something. But don't take my word for it (insert Reading Ranbow music)