Trials and Tribulations of being single

So a while back I wrote about what happens when you go through a break-up. I'm sure you all remember exactly what I'm talking about, but you can check it out HERE.

If you took the healthy route, you eventually find yourself happily single. And by "happily" I mean that you don't cry yourself to sleep at night wishing someone loved you. You're happy with yourself. You're ok being single. You've even taken the time to see what things you could have done better in the relationship - so you won't make the same mistakes again.

Alright so now let's discuss the next stage, which I will call the George Clooney phase.

In this stage, you're either going to do one of two things:
1. You're going to actively seek someone to date.
2. You're just going to live your life and see if someone falls into your lap.

Note: George Clooney always chooses #2

I'd like to point out that both of these choices are good. I'm not telling you to pick one over the other.

So let's talk about option 1. You're happy with yourself and you think you've taken enough time to heal. You're ready to jump back on the horse. Here are a few things you can try:

1. Join a club or organization. Through PADA (my ultimate frisbee league) I meet TONS of women every year. It's a great way to make new friends and date someone, especially because you know that you already have something in common.

2. Ask friends to set you up with someone. I don't suggest this. Maybe you've heard of friends who were successful with this approach but I've only heard horror stories (I mean of bad dates... not like showing up at the restaurant and finding that your friend set you up with Freddy Kreuger... man that would suck). If you're going to go this route then try to get them to introduce you to someone at a party. Meeting someone in a party is a very low-stress encounter. If you don't hit it off then just go mingle with other people.

3. Join a dating site. There are countless sites out there. Some are free; others are not. In my experience, there's no reason to pay for a dating site. Look at personal ads on CraigsList or join OKCupid.com and just start contacting people. Here's a tip - Contact as many people as possible. Cast the net out very wide. The more people you talk to, the better your chances of actually hitting it off with someone. Think of it this way: If you send out 10 e-mails, you may only get 6 responses. Then, 1 of those 6 will be someone who is paid to be on the site and they want you to join some other site which isn't free. Another 1 of the 6 may be a prostitute. So now you're down to 4 people. 1 person doesn't email you again after the first response. Another person has severe trust issues. You actually set up a date with 2 people. But one of those 2 people were using fake pictures on the site... they actually weigh 400 LBS. And the other person you meet is a transexual (seriously, I've seen them on the site.... not that there's anything wrong with that. If it's what you're in to then go for it... I'm not judging). So maybe that's an extreme situation but those are the kinds of odds you're working with. Good luck.


OK, now how about someone who chooses the George Clooney option? They decide to just live their life and not look for love. They trust that it will come to them unexpectedly. One day they will be rushing down the street, turn a corner, and bump into a super model... just like in the movies. Then they will start dating and live happily ever after. Well that doesn't actually happen in real life... get your head out of the clouds.

I'm not saying this approach is bad, but it has been known to lead to women becoming old weird cat ladies. If you don't keep your eyes open for love then you won't see it when it appears. Even if you're not pursuing it, you have to know when the time is right to pounce.

It's like that parable. A man is in a flood and he climbs on top of his house to wait for rescue. A boat comes by and offers to take the man to safety but he says, "No, God will save me." And then later on another boat comes by and they also offer to take him to safety and the man says "No, God will save me." Then later on a helicopter flies by and tries to rescue him but the man refuses again stating that God will save him. Well, the waters rise up and the man dies. When he gets to heaven he meets God and says "God, why didn't you save me??" and God says "What the hell! I sent 2 boats and a helicopter!!"

Love doesn't just happen. And good relationships don't just happen. They take the right mix of good luck and hard work. But first you have to get your foot in the door.

I hope this helps.