scariest king EVER! part 3

First, the King went mad with jealousy over his man leaving him for a woman in part 1...

Then he went into hiding and we were attacked by giant chickens in part 2...

Now the Mad Monarch has returned...

I know that you've all been eagerly awaiting the latest update on this maniac of a monarch. Well here it is. After losing the man he loved, to some other woman, the king went into hiding for a long time. But what was he doing for all these months? Let's delve into this mystery...

It seems the king got wind of my blog, outing him as a closet homosexual and overall creepy guy. In an apparent effort to combat the negative public image, this Burger-meister capitalized on the Fall craze...an american past-time....a manly-man's hobby.

He joined an NFL football team.

You may have seen clips of him during "commercials" doing end-zone dances after scoring the game winning touchdown. He's actually quite a good player, aside from the fact that he insists on playing in his royal attire. The guy doesn't even wear a helmet! Not that he could fit one over his gi-normous head! The thing is like Sputnik! (I know, I make that joke too often, I'm sorry!)

Now, this ruse may have fooled simpler folk...but not I. Nay, I saw through his clever guise. To the untrained eye, his latest appearances on television seem to continue the manly image. In a large forest, a lumberjack chops down a mighty Redwood (I really don't know what kind of tree it is...but 'mighty redwood' is always a safe answer. Kind of like in Trivial Pursuit when they ask about sports announcers and the answer is usually....um...nevermind, I'm getting off track.) So where was I? Oh right...chopping down a mighty redwood! First off, the guy is chopping down this tree in the middle of a forest! It's surrounded by other trees! Isn't it going to hit some of those trees on the way down? Shouldn't he at least yell timber?? Well anyway, as the tree falls (probably killing innocent woodland creatures) you finally see the King. He'd been standing on the other side of the tree the entire time...just watching the lumberjack work. And after the tree falls, he hands the lumberjack the new Burger King 'heart-attack' sandwich...uh, I mean meat-normous sandwich.

So ok, he's hanging out with lumberjacks...that's manly right? WRONG! It would seem that the King heard Monty Python's lumberjack song, and went looking for someone to "sleep all night and work all day" with. We know what really goes on in those woods. That lumberjack is the King's new boyfriend. The king was making the guy lunch, because that seems to be the only skill he has, aside from being a flaming homosexual. What? Don't believe me?? Well then let's move on to the next scene!

Just before the commercial ends, you see that same Lumberjack (we'll call him Juanita) and the King out in the middle of a lake together, balancing themselves on top of a log. Have you ever seen those Lumberjack olympics? One of the events is 2 guys standing on a log in the water. Then they start rotating the log in different directions with the hope of making the other guy fall off. And this is exactly what the king and Juanita were doing. Get it?? HELLO! That is the most blatant display of homosexuality I've ever seen on television! Well, except for when 2 guys kissed on Melrose Place. THAT was the most blatant display of homosexuality I've ever seen. But this comes in at a close second place.

So there you have it folks. The King spends his time cooking "meat sandwiches" for "lumberjacks" in the "woods".

I rest my case.