You can't win if you don't play

In my long 27 (almost 28) years on this planet, I've noticed a trend. And I think I need to educate some of you readers on this great issue. Please take this advice to heart - you'll thank me later.

If you're constantly meeting people of the opposite sex who turn out to be crappy candidates for a relationship then YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

I will amend that with one more statement, though.

If you're out there trying to meet new people and it isn't working for you, AND you're not doing anything wrong, then YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH.

But we'll get back to that one. Let's focus on the first statement for now.

This past weekend I was hanging out with a bunch of friends from my college Ultimate Frisbee team. When we get together, we act like we're in college again. Lots of binge drinking, and general jack-ass-ery. This includes the men AND women.

But there was something different this time. Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on at first. And then it hit me.

They were married.

A lot of the people at that party were already hitched. And their spouses were at the party too. But here's the kicker... their spouses fit right in with us.

In a past relationship that I won't name, I kept my girlfriend far far away from any ultimate frisbee gatherings because I knew she would just wind up offended and bored. She didn't fit in with these people, and therefore she didn't fit in with a part of me.

This made me start to think about what kind of woman I wanted to find... and where that kind of woman would hang out. Sure, it seems obvious but I never really considered it before.

If I wanted to find a woman who could let her hair down and pretend she's a college kid for a night then I'd probably find one at a crazy party or a club or vegas. AND, one of the first things that I would find out about that girl is what she was like in college. If she didn't party back then, then she probably won't party now.

So that's my first bit of advice. If you have had a run of bad luck picking dates then take a moment to decide what kind of person you want to find and then figure out where those people hang out.

Now let's move on to the second bit.

I don't consider myself to be an amazingly handsome guy. I have no complaints with the way I look, mind you... but I don't rank myself up there with Ryan Reynolds (he's so dreamy). Therefore, I don't try to go nab super models or spoiled rich brats. It's not necessarily that they are out of my league... but they probably don't mesh with my behaviors and lifestyle.

So that's my second point. If you have found the kind of people you want to date, AND you know where they hang out, BUT it hasn't been working so far, THEN you either need to change yourself OR change your standards.

If I wanted to get a girl who goes to the club and parties and dances then I can't go to the club and sit around waiting to talk to one of them... I would need to learn to dance. I would have to change my tactics to make myself more attractive to those people.

In short, my advice is to stop whining and go meet someone... but take some time to plan it out and do it right.

Thus endeth the advice from a man who has problems emotionally committing to women right now.