Advice for a First Date

Last week I asked Maggie Q (formerly known as Lucy Liu) to write a guest blog for my page. She decided to write about our first date, and that's all I know. I haven't read it yet because she asked me to write about the same topic and then post both stories for you kind readers. This is tough for me for two reasons. One, these days I only blog when I feel an inspiration. I feel that there's enough crap out there so I shouldn't add to it. Two, I try to write advice columns more than stories (because seriously, who wants to read my boring stories?).

Well, in the end I've decided to talk about how I prepared for our first date. I'll break down some advice and mix in the story of our first date. So let's get started.

There are 4 main aspects to a first date:
1. The initial meeting.
2. The main activity of the date.
3. More activities if things are going well.
4. How to end the date.


The Initial Meeting:
If you've met someone before, then this is easy. One of you can pick the other up, and head out to the main activity. However, if it's a blind date OR someone you met online (which is where I fit in) then you really have to pick a neutral meeting place. I once offered to pick a girl up for a first date and she freaked out - and alluded to the possibility that I was an axe murderer. So the best idea is to pick a main activity in the area that you both live, and just meet there. This is also good because if the date falls apart then you both have a means of escape.

Maggie and I hit it off so we weren't too worried about this. We met in front of a drug store (by her house) and I drove us to the date. I guess that is kind of weird. She just hopped in the car with a stranger. I should probably ask her about that.

The Main Activity:
There are two directions you can go with a main activity. You can take the safe approach and head to a bar/restaurant, or head out to do something out of the ordinary. I've had luck with both. It just depends on how comfortable you are with sitting face to face and carrying on a conversation. Going out and doing something different can leave a great impression on the girl and improve your chances of getting a second date. However, there's also a chance that you'll pick something that turns out to be really lame. The time of year also factors in to this decision. It's hard to find outdoor activities in the middle of winter.

When Maggie and I talked on the phone for the first time, I threw out a few questions to get ideas for our first date. She mentioned that she had never been to a corn maze but really wanted to go. Luckily there was one right in Delaware (and this happened to by the week before Halloween so our timing was perfect). The place had a corn maze, pumpkin picking, hay rides, etc. so I trusted that that could keep us occupied for a while. It was cool because we could walk around while we talked. We never had to have those awkward moments where you just look at each other with nothing to say.

Post-Activity activities:
If your date is going well then you may not want it to end, so you better have some more activities lined up. There's less pressure at this point so don't over-think it. You're already getting along well so you could just have a few bars or movies in mind. Still keep it neutral. Don't try to get her back to your place. Play it cool.

We hit the the corn maze in the afternoon, so when we left I asked her if she wanted to get dinner. Then, when dinner was a success we decided to follow that up with a movie. When all was said and done, our first date lasted about 8 hours.

The End of the Date:
Ok, you made it through at least one activity without the girl running away in an offended rage. Whether you're taking her back home, or just bidding adieu at the neutral meeting place, there's always the same question; how do you say goodbye? Kiss? Hug? Handshake? Fist Pound? Books and movies will give you a thousand clues to look for but it really comes down to one thing. Is she lingering there in front of you, or trying to get away? If you're standing 2 feet apart making awkward small talk while she stares into your eyes then you have the green light for a kiss. If you're not sure then go for the hug. There's not much worse than going in for a kiss when she's closed for business. I will sometimes give commentary on the moment, to lighten the mood. "So here we stand at that crucial moment. Should we go in for the awkward hug?" Of course that can backfire and ruin your chances at a kiss. This one is really up to you. Use your judgement.

I seem to recall the end of my night being a little awkward. We made small talk for a few minutes (because there was a car parked next to where we were standing and they were staring at us). In the end, she leaned in for the kiss before I had a chance to make my move. I like a woman who doesn't just stand there waiting for the guy.

Reflections:
As first dates go, this one ranks pretty high. She laughed at my jokes, we didn't really have awkward pauses, and we're still dating today. None of that is a surprise, of course. This is the girl who had originally emailed me (on the dating website) and basically asked about my thoughts on "zombie porn movies". I knew we'd hit it off :-)

So now I am going to finally read her blog that she sent me. I'll post that one up tomorrow or later in the week.