The big O (mission)

Yay more dating advice from rob; a man who can't hold on to a steady relationship!

I know you're all excited.

I'd like to talk about communication in relationships, and when to open up. Now, don't confuse this with the issue of when to tell the truth. I'm talking about when is the appropriate time to reveal things to the person you're dating.

For instance, last night I was watching Scrubs. The Janitor has been on a few dates with a girl and she didn't want to hold hands with him. He was convinced she was about to break up with him and it became a big issue. But by the end of the episode she revealed that she was a germ-a-phobe. So holding hands with someone just freaked her out too much. And she didn't reveal this before because she was afraid that she would have scared the Janitor off.

While that was a funny demonstration, it's a real issue that we all deal with. Everyone has idiosyncrasies, or Skeletons in our closet. So when we get into a relationship we wonder when it's appropriate to reveal these things about us. If you spill your guts too soon then they might get scared and run off. But if you wait too long then it becomes a big deal because you were hiding this thing from them for all that time.

So what do we do? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I'd love to say that when you find the right girl then you can just tell them everything.... but that's a load of crap.

However, I think I can tell you something NOT to do. Someone might give you the advice of casually bringing up the "topic" of your secret in conversation. That way you might see how they respond without actually tying it to you.

For example: Let's say that I was a Furry. And I wasn't sure how my girlfried would respond to that. So one day I say something like "A guy I work with likes to dress up as a dog on the weekends and hang out with other people dressed like animals." And then I hold my breath waiting for her response...which would probably be "wow, what a freak."

And you know why she would say that? Because she isn't dating that guy you work with! She's dating you, you idiot!

I guess this is the best advice I can give. Don't spill your guts on the first date. At least wait until you feel like there is enough of a connection that the casual dating could turn into something real. BUT, also make sure that you tell them your secrets before you become too emotionally involved because you want to avoid the whole "violation of trust" issue.

Of course, you could always just get really drunk with the girl right away and spill it all... people tend to take things better when they're drunk.

Can anyone add to my advice?