More picky as Dating Pool Shrinks

Do you remember the first few people you dated back in high school? There's always at least one person that you shake your head at. You spent a few months with them before realizing that it just wasn't going to go anywhere. But maybe they had a cool car, or seemed dark and brooding. Because that's all it took back then. Just one little thing to make you want to waste months with that person.

Today is different. Now we have an image in our heads of the person we want to marry. And if someone doesn't fit that mold on the first date (or even before the first date) then we kick them to the curb.

Our standards are getting higher as we get older.

But doesn't that seem contrary to what should be happening? I mean, the dating pool is shrinking every day (assuming more people are getting married than divorced... and that the "good catches" are staying married). So shouldn't we be lowering our standards? Shouldn't we be getting ready to settle? Ya know, maybe our partner doesn't need to have a 150 I.Q. and a super model's body.

But here are 2 very valid reasons why this happens.

One, we're now more aware of our mortality. We realize that the next person we date may be the person we spend the rest of our lives with. Back in college, you just dated someone for fun. There were no worries of the future. Just young hormonal emotions. So you could say that we're being smarter than we were before.

Two, now that we've dated a slew of contenders, we at least know what kind of person we DON'T want to be with. We're tired of the deadbeats that never want to go out and have fun. We're tired of the person who argues all the time. We don't want the person who is married to their career.

Now here's the problem I'm seeing with #2. It's happening to people younger and younger. I've spent some time on CraigsList (I know - not exactly a proper sample size for the healthy dating pool) and I'm seeing women in their early 20's already being super picky. They have one bad relationship and now they think they know exactly what they want from life. And I'm a little worried that they won't find it. And then they'll settle. And then they'll get married. And then they'll realize their mistake and get divorced.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. Perhaps it's just a ramble. There's a little more to it from my personal experience but I'm not at liberty to share.

I'm just worried that we're becoming a disposable society. You decide that you want a certain kind of person and then you get it and get married. And then you decide that you want something else and so you get a divorce and start all over.

If divorce attorneys were a publicly traded stock then I'd be putting my life savings in it...

You can't plan your memories

One thing I always try to work on is being a perceiver instead of a judger. I try to see the other person's side of things. I try to see why they think what they think. Because once you figure that out, you can better choose your next action.

That's why it's important to remember that our past experiences shape how we perceive events in the future. In layman's terms, we always carry around baggage.

I was watching a movie tonight that is mediocre at best. It's called Bart Got a Room. It's a comedy about a kid who is trying to find a date to his senior prom, but keeps failing. Imagine a PG "family friendly" version of American Pie and that's pretty much this movie. It wasn't very good. And about half way through I started to really dislike it, and almost turned it off. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I almost never turn off a movie. I like to know how something finishes.

So as I began analyzing WHY I was suddenly so unhappy with this movie, it came to me. I hated my prom. And I didn't much like high school. So I'm carrying around this baggage, and it's affecting my opinion of this movie.

Normally, this is where I would launch into my tale of woe. But the problem is that I couldn't start there. I'd have to back up to the girl I was dating. But I couldn't start there either. I'd have to back up to the girl I was dating before that. And then maybe the girl I was dating before that. And before I knew it, I'd be telling you the story of my birth.

In short, it's just too complicated of a story. And it's not really the point.

The point is that whenever you have a sudden negative feeling about something, take a second to find out why you feel that way. Because you may be judging something, or someone, unfairly due to your own prejudice.

And one final thought. There is a line near the end of the movie where the main character says "You can't plan your memories. The best ones just happen." and I thought that was pretty interesting. There are so many moments in our lives that we try to plan down to the letter. But how many of them really work out how we want? And how many of your favorite memories are just these random moments that you didn't see coming?

I think it means we should spend less time planning life, and more time enjoying it.

Mars and Venus Rosetta Stone

So I'm in this situation right now that I don't really want to talk about. It's about a girl. And it's probably in my best interest to just keep my mouth shut and process things for a few days.

...and yet here I am.

This blog is like my own personal therapist. Let's face it. Therapists just sit there and ask you questions, and get you to talk. And we, as a society, pay hundreds of dollars per hour for this. But in reality, I think that if everyone just tried a few things then we'd all need a little less time on the couch.

1. Exercise. When life gets you down, you get stressed. So go dust off those running shoes from 1985 and hit the streets. It always makes me feel better.

2. Call your friends. It's their job to let you complain. And then they cheer you up. Especially if you're depressed about a member of the opposite sex. Hanging out with friends reminds you that there is more to life than a relationship.

3. Alcohol. This one isn't for everyone. But I'm a mellow happy drunk. And so a 6-pack of beer works better than any crazy pill that a doctor could give me for my mood. Some people say that marijuana can serve the same purpose with fewer calories, but I have a little condition called Asthma so I really can't smoke anything (legal or otherwise).

Now here's why I really started to blog in the first place tonight. It wasn't to talk about what happened. It wasn't to talk about how I feel. No, I just wanted to pose a question. And I think that's a little funny when I sit back and look at how many people actually look at these posts...

...but I digress.

When someone tells you "I thought I wanted to be in a relationship - but I think I really just want to go out and have fun" do you think they ever mean it? I mean seriously. We all know that it means "I don't want a relationship with YOU." but I really wondered if anyone has ever said that and truly meant it.

I had a brief time when I meant it (sort of). After my relationship with J-Love ended, I couldn't imagine being attached to anyone. But I was clear about that from the start. So I never led anyone on. I never told a girl that I was ready to be with just one person, and then flip-flop on them. So I guess that doesn't count.

Well, my beer is empty. So I need to go get a new one. Feel free to share your thoughts, dear readers...

My weird interpretations...

Have you ever interpreted a movie/show/song differently than everyone else around you? And then you feel like you're taking crazy pills.

I'm going to give 2 examples.

The first is the latest Taylor Swift song on the radio. It's important that I say "on the radio" so that no one thinks that I have this sitting on my ipod....

Anway, the song is called You Belong with Me. It's a song about a girl who has a guy friend who is dating the cheerleading captain - and the girl thinks that the guy friend should be dating her instead. It's supposed to be one of those cute romantic songs. Here are some lyrics...

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me

So, I don't see a romantic song here. I see a delusional girl who thinks too much of herself. I see a girl who thinks that she knows what's best for other people. I see a girl who never stopped to ask herself if the guy even likes her. All she cares about is that she likes this guy so he must obviously like her back. ...Songs like this lead to crazy murder-suicides.

**WARNING** The next segment involves plot spoilers for Pan's Labrynth. ***

Ok, here's another one. Last year I saw the movie Pan's Labrynth. It's a movie about a little girl during WWII in Germany. Because the world around her is so bleak, she withdraws into her own fantasies. Unfortunately, the fantasies keep telling her to do things that get her in trouble. So the movie does an interesting job of letting the viewer decide if they think she really interacts with these fantasies, or if she's just a crazy stupid girl.

I took the stance that she was a stupid delusional girl. Everything she did made me so mad! And it all builds up to her stealing her baby brother at the end of the movie and running off into the woods with him. If she were allowed to get away with it then the poor baby would have surely died. Thankfully, her "step father" pulls out a gun and shoots her at the last minute. I don't think I've ever cheered when a little girl died before... but I cheered this time.

I guess this is kind of like when there's a movie that everyone loves but you hate it. Like a friend of mine walked out of Garden State. He's the only person I have ever spoken to that didn't love the movie. Seriously. Everyone likes it. But he hated it so much that he walked out of the theater. Go figure, huh?

Ok that's my rant for the day...

And I'm Free, Free Falling

And so this past weekend I found myself 4,500 feet up, falling to the ground with a man strapped to my back. Of course, I mean that I went Sky Diving.

Why did I go? Well, it just sort of happened. I think a lot of us have similar "risky" activities on our lists of things to do before we die. But I didn't really have a plan to go. But a new girl - let's call her Bella - convinced me that this was the time.

The first thing that bothered me was the waiver you sign. It's very detailed and seems to completely ensure that no matter what happens, they are not at fault (even if they ARE at fault). I almost left because of that. But Bella would not be swayed.

So we sat for hours just waiting for our turn to tempt fate. We watched other daredevils falling to the ground; some with ease, and some who would have bruises the next day. But all walked away with a smile.

And the funny thing is, I wasn't nervous at all. Not when we put on the harnesses. Not when we climbed into a tiny plane with 13 other people. Not even when they began jumping out the door.

As I was strapped to my partner, we "waddled" to the door of the airplane. I put my feet on the edge, leaned back, and we launched out into the air. I couldn't tell you what happened next because I think the sudden realization that I was free-falling towards the ground made my brain shut off. Or it was just busy screaming and wouldn't process anything.

And then I was falling through the sky. It was windy and cold. It was the scariest thing I've ever done. When we fell through a wispy cloud I held my breath in case we're not supposed to breath in clouds.

Then 60 seconds later the parachute opened and we started a slow 5 minute descent to the ground. I think this part was actually more scary because I could collect my thoughts and see that we were still a mile off the ground. The only thing keeping us alive was one tiny parachute.

But the airfield grew closer. And before I knew it we were sliding across the grass on the cold hard ground. I was still alive!

Of course my legs were wobbly, and I couldn't eat food for a few hours afterwards. But it was worth it.

I think I'll go again in a few years once the memories begin to fade. But for now I'll keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.

some blogs about money

Here are some blogs that I read about money management for normal people:

I Will Teach You to be Rich

Finance for a Freelance life

I've paid for this twice already

These blogs also have links to other places. Start educating yourselves, people!

Get your shit in order!

We all know that the economy is in the crapper. We blame Wall Street. We blame mortgage companies. We blame the banks. But have you noticed who doesn't get blamed very often?

Us. People. Consumers.

It constantly amazes me when people don't know how to manage their finances. They have a vague picture about money coming in and going out. They know they have some retirement account out there. The use credit cards whenever they want, and pay them off slowly.

Basically, WE are the reason that things suck. So instead of crying to the government for help, start getting your shit in order!

Start spending less money than you earn!
Start paying off your debt!
Start making smart investments!

I'm going to pick on my little sister for a minute.

She just graduated from college. She has expenses (loans, credit cards, phone, insurance, etc) and she has a job. But she has no big picture.

So I spent a day helping her to make a spreadsheet of all her expenses in a month. Part of that plan was to make a forecast estimator for her credit cards. Based on the average payments she was making, and the current APR, how long would it take her to pay them off and how much money would she pay in interest.

By the end of this she was pretty depressed. But at least now she knows the truth. At least now she can make a plan to get her finances in order. At least now she can be an adult.

So I implore you all. Do the following things:

1. Start reading money management blogs. I'll post some in the comments later on.

2. Start tracking your income and bills each month. You don't need to go as far as writing down every purchase but at least estimate living expenses.

3. Make a plan to pay off your credit cards. Repeat after me "It is not ok to have credit card debt"

4. Start saving money. If you lost your job today, how long before you were a hobo living on the street?

Here's a tool to help you. Sign up for a free account at mint.com. It's a site that links to all your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. It then tracks purchases and helps you make budgets. The site is free because they advertise stuff to you. They see what ways you could save money by switching to an online savings account, or a low APR credit card... and they get a commission if you do it. If you don't feel safe giving up all your online account information then look for other sites that do the same thing. There are a lot out there.

Remember: Knowing is half the battle.

The possible end of my 1/4-life crisis

You know that old line, "sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses" ?

It's overused, but not often followed. As a society, we're always looking ahead. We're saving money for the future. Planning for retirement. Dreaming about next year's vacation. Thinking about a future spouse and children. Fearing getting old. It's always about the future.

And we spend so much time doing this that we miss a lot of the present.

It's something that I've tried to work on lately. I try not to look ahead more than a week. I spend more time focusing on today (literally). I'm going to get old. I'm going to die. Why waste time thinking about it?

And you know what I found when I started doing this? I found that I was a little happier each day. Really. My outlook on life brightened.

What I'm really blogging about is the possible end of my Quarter Life Crisis. And listed above is my first piece of evidence.

The second piece of evidence is this: Very soon I think I will be ready for a real relationship. I know - shocker right? And it's not that I've been avoiding getting involved with women. I have just been enjoying my freedom for the past year. But all good things must come to an end. So I have officially made myself open for business (I'm not sure if that's the proper metaphor here).

The last piece of evidence came after I learned of my impending unemployment. I stopped spending frivolously and started saving money. I began making budgets, and really sticking to them. I started acting like an adult.

So let's just recap here:
1. I'm no longer afraid of getting old (but some of that is me having high hopes for medical science in the future)

2. I'm ready to be tied down

3. I'm acting like an adult.

I know... it's scary. Isn't this one of the signs of the apocalypse?

Prop 8 - The Musical

It's not that I'm particularly FOR or AGAINST gay marriage. It's more that I don't care either way. I really like what Peter Griffin said in a Family Guy episode - it was something like "I say let them get married and be miserable like the rest of us."

So this is a funny video that a bunch of celebrities posted on FunnyOrDie.com about Prop 8. Check it out.

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

The Birth of Dodge Balltimate

Many times in the past, I've said that a major contributor to my interest in Ultimate Frisbee is the Culture. It's the people and the attitudes. It's the parties and the craziness. It's playing hard and then partying hard. And every now and then, it can result in a moment of sheer genius.

...like the invention of a new game.

Let me explain.

This past weekend was the Delaware Spring league finals. Our team fought hard in the first game but lost - and was therefore sent to the "not winners" bracket. So we stood around with our next opponent enjoying a pre-game beer when we began discussing ways to make the game more fun. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I wasn't there yet. I was across the field. But as I walked over, I heard the guys deciding how they could incorporate a dodge ball into an ultimate frisbee game.

Now, a normal group of athletes would laugh at this... but we thought it was brilliant! So after a few minutes of making some rules, we hit the field. And the game goes something like this:

If you don't know how to play ultimate, here's a handy link.

http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Ultimate-Frisbee

1. Before the Defending team pulls the disc, the dodge ball is placed in the middle of the field. Once the disc is pulled, some players will rush in to try and get the ball. Anyone can grab it.

2. When you are holding the ball, you cannot move around. You either have to throw the ball at someone, or drop it on the ground, or pass it to a team mate.

3. If you hit a player with the ball then they have to stand still for 5 seconds.

4. If you hit a player with the ball AND they are holding the disc then it's a turnover.

5. If you throw the ball at a player but they catch it then you are out of the game for the rest of the point. However, if one of your teammates catches a ball that is thrown at them then you can come back in.

I think that's the main set of rules. So you can see that there is a lot of confusion now that 2 objects are moving around on the field. When you are on offense you have to protect the person with the disc. On defense you have to make sure that you don't get frozen when the person you are covering is making a cut towards the end zone.

It's a lot of fun and I can't wait to play it again.

A little less conversation, a little more action

Every now and then I talk about my efforts to get in shape. I've tried various workout routines and diet plans. Many of them have worked, but often life gets in the way. You get injured. You get busy at work. You have a baby (no I don't have a baby). Then before you know it, you've missed an entire month of workouts and lost most of your progress.

Well yeah that happens. You just can't always fit long arduous workouts into your schedule. But there is a remedy for this. Make smaller workouts.

Here is a workout plan that a friend of mine is following. I've started it up as well. You workout 6 days per week but each session is less than 30 minutes.

In addition, I've also started playing Ultimate 3 to 4 times per week. I think it will help a lot if I can get out and run around for at least 20 or 30 minutes each day.

Anyway, here's the schedule:

MONDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_mon.pdf

TUESDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_tue.pdf

WEDNESDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_wed.pdf

THURSDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_thu.pdf

FRIDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_tue.pdf

SATURDAY http://www.mystrengthforlife.com/dl/app_5_sat.pdf

SUNDAY REST

Yes, Tuesday and Friday are the same workout so they use the same PDF file.

It should also be noted that you don't have to follow this exactly. I've taken it as a guide for which muscle groups to work on each day and I will change up the specific exercises from week to week. You don't want your body to become accustomed to your workout plans or it will stop building muscle and burning fat. So keep changing it up.

As always, have a goal in mind when you workout. For me, it's two-fold. One, I have about 11 weeks until I go to Beach-Week in Wildwood so I want to be in shape. Two, I want to be competitive on the field (ultimate) this summer so I need to be in better running shape.

Ok that's all. Seacrest OUT!

Roommate ramblings: part 3

Ok, so he's not my roommate anymore but I needed to share a quote.

A few of us were at Quizzo on monday night. There was a round where they give you a piece of paper with 10 pictures on it and you need to identify each picture. The common theme was that each picture was something that "sounded dirty". For example, one picture showed Adrian Brody in The Pianist.

Well, there was a picture of a small bird, and our conversation went something like this:

teammate 1: Is it a woodpecker?

teammate2: No, it's too small for that.

me: Could it be a woodcock? Is that a bird?

teammate1: I don't know. But I think it's a "tit" something. Tit Mouse?

me: I think a Tit Mouse is a mouse. Are you sure it's not a woodcock?

teammate1: Well I think it's "tit" something...

roommate: [loudly] Tit Cock! ...sorry... I got nothin.

In the end we stuck with Woodcock, but the answer really was Tit Mouse. Go figure right? Who would name a bird a mouse?

No one wants a Jack of All Trades

Ok - I just wrote a long rambling intro to this blog but then erased it (you're welcome). Instead, let's get right to the point.

I don't know how it is for every career, but in IT you have a broad range of areas in which to work. For years I prided myself as a generalist. I could write code (but not well), manage projects (little ones), handle customer support ("did you try turning it off and on again?"), etc. But there was nothing that I was an expert at.

And now I'm finally seeing this as a problem. As you get older, no one wants a generalist. They want people who are really good at something.

So here's my advice. When you get out of college, go ahead and be a generalist. Learn as much about your field as possible. But only do this for 3 to 5 years. By the time you get to the 5 year mark, you need to choose a focus or two. And make sure that it's something that you really like because you're gonna be doing it for the next 40+ years.

My focus is going to be IT Management and Business Analysis. I want to either become a CIO, or a business consultant.

Now that being said, at this point I'd take just about any job that will pay me more than unemployment rates.

(NOTE: I'm not actually unemployed right now. But it's looming over head)

One step closer to SkyNet

This is one of the few times that technology has freaked me out... for a few minutes.

Last night I was catching up on some shows from my DVR (I think I was watching Reaper at the time). All of a sudden, I heard my house phone ring.

Yes, I do have a house phone... but I don't use it, and I don't give out the number. So generally I ignore any calls that come in.

Anyway, I was laying there and the phone started ringing downstairs in the kitchen. I ignored it and kept watching TV. But then after 2 or 3 rings, a little window popped up on my TV with a caller ID screen - telling me who was calling... on the phone downstairs.... which isn't connected to the TV in my bedroom (or so I thought).

The first thing I did was check the brands on my TV and phone. I thought that maybe Samsung products could talk to each other. Then I thought that maybe my Lan Line was using some Blue Tooth connection. Or maybe my TV just liked snooping on wireless phone signals. It really freaked me out.

And then I realized that I have the Comcast Triple Play. So my phone calls travel over my Cable TV lines. So I'm guessing my cable box was what actually displayed the caller ID box.

It's a good thing that I'm a level-headed person, or that story may have ended with my TV being thrown out the window and me digging a bomb shelter under the house.

The big O (mission)

Yay more dating advice from rob; a man who can't hold on to a steady relationship!

I know you're all excited.

I'd like to talk about communication in relationships, and when to open up. Now, don't confuse this with the issue of when to tell the truth. I'm talking about when is the appropriate time to reveal things to the person you're dating.

For instance, last night I was watching Scrubs. The Janitor has been on a few dates with a girl and she didn't want to hold hands with him. He was convinced she was about to break up with him and it became a big issue. But by the end of the episode she revealed that she was a germ-a-phobe. So holding hands with someone just freaked her out too much. And she didn't reveal this before because she was afraid that she would have scared the Janitor off.

While that was a funny demonstration, it's a real issue that we all deal with. Everyone has idiosyncrasies, or Skeletons in our closet. So when we get into a relationship we wonder when it's appropriate to reveal these things about us. If you spill your guts too soon then they might get scared and run off. But if you wait too long then it becomes a big deal because you were hiding this thing from them for all that time.

So what do we do? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I'd love to say that when you find the right girl then you can just tell them everything.... but that's a load of crap.

However, I think I can tell you something NOT to do. Someone might give you the advice of casually bringing up the "topic" of your secret in conversation. That way you might see how they respond without actually tying it to you.

For example: Let's say that I was a Furry. And I wasn't sure how my girlfried would respond to that. So one day I say something like "A guy I work with likes to dress up as a dog on the weekends and hang out with other people dressed like animals." And then I hold my breath waiting for her response...which would probably be "wow, what a freak."

And you know why she would say that? Because she isn't dating that guy you work with! She's dating you, you idiot!

I guess this is the best advice I can give. Don't spill your guts on the first date. At least wait until you feel like there is enough of a connection that the casual dating could turn into something real. BUT, also make sure that you tell them your secrets before you become too emotionally involved because you want to avoid the whole "violation of trust" issue.

Of course, you could always just get really drunk with the girl right away and spill it all... people tend to take things better when they're drunk.

Can anyone add to my advice?

I love white (teeth) supremacy!

I bet you were all sitting on the edge of your seats for days, waiting on this post. Well wait no longer, dear readers!

Have you ever noticed that everyone's teeth on TV/Film are super perfectly white? Well I notice it. And then I go look in a mirror and become disgusted with myself for having "normal" teeth. And I'll bet they aren't in the "normal" category anymore. Between coffee, red wine, a night guard, and asthma inhalers that shoot yellow dust (seriously, can't they make it white dust??) I have quite a few things yellowing my teeth.

So let's talk about my options:
1. Get professional whitening at the dentist. I go in and they do the whole procedure in a half hour. Then I walk out with perfect teeth. Great! But the cost is over $500.

2. Get the do-it-yourself kit from the dentist. They give me trays and goop and I can get nearly professional results in 2 weeks. Great! But the cost on this one is $300.

3. Get a high-end commercial whitening pack - like Crest White Strips Super Mega Ultimate Edition. In 10 days I'll have great teeth. Not a bad choice. Cost is only like $40 or $50... and cheaper if you want to take out the "mega" or "ultimate" part.

4. Go to Happy Harry's and buy their brand of teeth whiteners. They claim to be comparable to the Crest system and I only have to take it for 7 days. Cost? I got them on sale 2-packs for $25.

...and we have a winner!

I've just finished taking them for the first week. I missed 2 days because I was on a weekend-long date and didn't want to "break the mood". So my results may have varied from the package a bit.

Thank god I have that second pack. I'm taking a few days off and then I'll try taking that. I really wish that I had taken a picture of my teeth before so that I could do some nifty before and after shot.

But so far the results are nice. These things DO work. I definitely recommend them to anyone who feels pressure to be more like a movie star and less like themselves.

Always bet on Black (heads)

This is the first in a two-part blog series called Black and White. My first post is about something black... and the second about something white. Why am I doing this? Because it's my F-ing blog and I'll do what I want!

So, not too long ago I was sitting in front of my computer at work, just typing some notes. I scratched my chin, and I thought I felt a piece of dirt or something on there. So I picked it off. But, to my surprise, what came off looked like my stubble, only thicker. And then I started bleeding a little. And I said to myself, "What the fuck is that?"

Well, it turns out that the answer is a Black-head (a type of zit). To be honest, I've never really known what one was, or that they really existed. It was really weird.

Since then I notice them every now and then. It's tough for guys because they just blend in with our 5 o'clock shadows.

So what the heck are these things?? Does anyone know? Dow do I get this long black thing growing in my face? It's kind of scary.

...just thought I'd throw that out there.

Filming - Day One - The Replacement

So today we began filming our 2nd movie, The Replacement.

If, for some reason, you haven't seen our last movie then you can view it HERE. It's called A Meeting Gone Wrong. For that feature, we had a 3 page script with a handful of storyboards. We used 3 main characters and a handful of extras. After filming for maybe 2 or 3 hours we had enough footage for a movie that would be 4 minutes and 36 seconds long.

So - how does this one compare? For starters, the script is 14 pages (and that's after some trimming). We're using 5 main characters and a handful of extras, and the end product should be a little over 10 minutes. So compared to our last movie, it's like going from making a TV show to making the movie Titanic.

Well, today we shot for 4 hours and barely got through half of the scenes. Plus, these were the easy interior office scenes. Next time we have to move outside and do some stunts / Special Effects. Oh, and I have a feeling we'll wind up scrapping a lot of today's footage and re-shooting the scenes. In short, today was rough.

But ya know what? I loved it. There is nothing more satisfying than taking an idea from your head and putting it on paper, and then actually filming it. Plus it's fun to tell people what to do on set :)

I imagine that none of this is very interesting to anyone. But I wanted to get it on paper (metaphorically speaking). Hopefully we'll finish filming by the end of the month. Then it'll take about 2 months to edit. We'll plan a Red Carpet Event for the end of May. I hope to get a trailer up online by the beginning of next month.

PLOT OUTLINE:
Tom and Gus (the Corporate Monkeys) are IT guys for a big corporation. Because of the current economic situation, the company decides to lay them off and replace them with one person. So Tom and Gus decide that they need to hatch some crazy plan that will win them their jobs back. Will it work? Or will they be in the unemployment line by the end of the week?

Stay tuned for updates.

Thinking: It's not just for smart people anymore

Lately my blogs have switched from Relationship advice to Life advice. Instead of wondering whether or not I'm capable of love and successful relationships, I wonder what I want from my career and how to get it.

Of course, these things overlap. And thus I feel justified in my tangents.

So here is today's advice: Think before you act.

Yes, you've all heard that advice before. But I think that many people don't really grasp the concept. When you're in a position to act, think about what the desired result is. Then act in a manner that will help move towards your goal. Here's an example.

Do you remember the girl who got engaged, while I was "going on dates" with her? If not, then it's ok... but I curse you for not reading my blogs religiously! ... um... anyway... So I thought that I would never speak to her again. And I don't say that because I hated her... but we only had a connection through dating (no mutual friends or colleagues) so it was safe to assume I would never even randomly meet her again some place.

Well, over the weekend she sent me an email. I'm not going to reveal the topic of her email, because it's not really important (also because the situation that the email created is still happening and I don't like to talk about stuff while it's still going on). I happened to be sitting at my computer when she sent the email and I began typing a response immediately. And then I stopped. I didn't know what I wanted to happen, and so I wasn't sure what to say.

So I spent the next day thinking about what I wanted. Did I want to say something mean and try to hurt this girl? Did I want to open up communication again? Did I want to be nice but make it clear that we are still not talking?

Once I figured out what I wanted, then I was able to effectively respond to her email.

And perhaps my advice shouldn't be "think before you act". Perhaps it should be "always identify the end goal before you act".

It's really that simple. Try it some time.

Corporate Monkeys Comic #18: V-Day

So Valentines Day is here again. I promise that we have a LOT of comics sketched up in the queue... but Married-Boy has been busy with the ball and chain (blah!). Now where was I? Oh right... love and happiness. That's the theme for this wonderful day. So go check out a V-Day card that my artistically adept partner created.

http://www.thecorporatemonkeys.com/comic_18.html

Advertising FAIL

Last week I was writing a note in facebook, when something made me laugh.

One of the reasons that facebook is free is that they have advertising on the site. So it's common to see ad banners filling the white space on the pages.

Well, on the right hand side of the page was a vertical ad banner. I could only see the top of it. It was pink with yellow lights, and as I rolled my mouse over the banner the lights got brighter. It reminded me of Vegas. I love Vegas. I can't wait to go back.

And then I scroll down the page to see what the ad is for (assuming it's for one of the casinos on the strip). Well, it's for the Gambling Addiction Hotline.

Now, I know I don't have a gambling problem for 2 reasons: One, I never gamble with money that I can't afford to lose. Two, I know when to walk away - either because I'm ahead, or because I need to cut my losses.

But I just had to laugh at the fact that this banner was advertising a service to help people stop gambling... and it just made me want to head straight to the casinos.

I've attached the non-lit-up picture below.

Be the master of your destiny

I'm really torn here between an "advice" theme or a "rant" theme (there was no real reason to put those in quotes). Because on the one hand, I'm really annoyed by a certain group of people, but on the other hand I want to help them. I want to give them hope. I want them to be better people after having read this blog. (gee, full of myself lately?)

I also don't think that adding commentary to my own blog posts helps anyone.

I want to talk about our lives, and where they are going. Because every day we get a little bit closer to dying. Sorry, that's morbid. Let me rephrase. Every day it gets harder to change who we are and what we do.

Side note: I play poker every month with a group of guys who are mostly much older than me. We have players in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. They're all married, I think, and most have kids. So I love to pick their brains about what life will be like when I'm old. And after wading through the crap (no offense) they did say one thing that I've thought about a lot.

For those of us in our 20s, we have a lot of uncertainty. We wonder what career we'll settle in, What place we'll live in, Who we'll marry some day, etc. We wonder what kind of parents we're going to be. You get the idea.

Well once you get to your late 30s or early 40s, you stop wondering. That uncertainty that plagues us today isn't there anymore. We reach a point where we have made our proverbial bed and all we can do is hope that we're happy sleeping in it. I really thought that was neat. And it's made me think about the decisions I make constantly because some of them will shape the person I'm going to be in 10 years.

But anyway, back to the real point. The message that I'd like to get across is that you need to grab life by the balls and make it your bitch. Pardon my french, but it shows the right connotation.

I know some people who don't like major aspects of their lives. For some it's about their level of physical fitness. For some it's their love life. For many people, it's their job (or lack of job, in this crappy economy). So they sit and complain about the raw deal that life handed them, when what they really need to do is get the fuck up and do something about it.

The moment that you stop blaming the world, and start blaming yourself, everything will look differently to you. Now, I don't mean that everything bad that's happened to you in your lifetime is your fault. When I say "blame yourself" I mean that you should hold yourself accountable for what kind of life you lead. You can't sit around and wait for someone else to make it better. It's up to you.

High up on my list of favorite movies is Fight Club (yeah, me and 90 million other people), and there are a few scenes that really resonate with me. One of them is the Human Sacrifices. The first we see of it is when Brad Pitt and Ed Norton grab an ethnic convenience store clerk and drag him behind his store. With a gun to the man's head, Brad Pitt finds out that the guy wanted to do more with his life (be a veterinarian) but it was just too hard (needed lots of school). So they let the guy live on the condition that within 6 weeks he has to have made progress towards his goal. If he doesn't, then they will kill him.

I think that's what some people need. They need a shock to their system. In Grosse Pointe Blank (my favorite Cusack movie... condon, you bastard) they call it Shakabuku; a swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever. Because sometimes we just need a push... or someone to believe in us.

Well once you've got the desire to change, then you need a plan. There's nothing worse than trying to accomplish something without first planning how you're going to do it (case in point, most of my blog entries). The method I use is to break up goals into smaller, more manageable, steps. Let's use my current exercising as an example. After being injured and literally sitting on my ass for a few months, I'm in awful shape. I need to drop at least 5% body fat, and gain probably 10lbs of muscle (with some specific weight lifting goals). In the words of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, basically I just want to look good naked. So how do I do it? Well it's complicated. My goal involves changing my eating habits, and exercise plans. Also, it's a goal that will take me at least a few months to accomplish. So I've broken it down into smaller goals.

1. I've created a stricter eating plan which begins to cut down on bad foods slowly. I find that if I jump into major diet changes then I just wind up binge snacking. So I'm not looking to become a vegetarian or anything over night.

2. I need more discipline when it comes to exercise. So my first goal was to just make sure I went to the gym at least 3 times per week. For the first month all I did was 30 minutes of cardio and then go home. I just wanted to get used to fitting this into my schedule. Now I have been adding some weights to the plan and staying longer. I'm easing in to it.

The point is that you have to make small easy goals in the beginning or you'll get discouraged pretty fast.

So now use this for more in your life. Have financial goals? Grab some spreadsheets and make a plan (I've gotten really good at this so feel free to ask for help). How about your career goals? What do you need to learn or do so that you'll be the boss some day? I've already blogged about how this stuff applies to dating and relationships.

So get out there and do it. Just follow these steps:

1. Identify what you want. Be specific.

2. Make a plan on how to get there.

3. Send me a check for $5

4. Break your plan up into a series of smaller plans.

5. Follow the fucking plan. It's like they say in weight lifting, if you cheat on your sets then you're only cheating yourself.

6. Repeat step 3 if applicable.

Sorry, that was just a little humor I was trying to add at the end. Kind of counterbalancing the profanity and steroid-induced words.

Treating symptoms instead of core problems

Right now I'm taking a grad class on how CEOs make decisions. One of the first steps is to accurately define the problem statement. It might be something as simple as "Do we buy computers, or lease them?" or as complicated as "How will we meet our 4th Qtr projections?"

One of the common traps that a manager will fall in to is that they don't identify the real problem that needs to be solved. They just look at the issues that are right in front of their faces and solve them instead (the symptoms).

Well, more and more lately I feel like our government does this. Or at least important people in the country try to do it.

1. In the past couple of days, a 9 year old boy in delaware was attacked by 2 pit bulls on the street. Now all these interest groups are proposing legislation to ban pit bulls from delaware. But that's not the real problem. What they need to do is crack down on who can own certain dogs and make sure that they are trained and housed properly. When someone is shot you punish the shooter, not the gun. Well this is the same. A dog will act how you train it to act.

2. Right around the Inauguration, there were a lot of stories about some groups trying to get a US law passed that would ban all cell phone use while driving. They say that cell phones cause distractions and cause accidents. Well here's a reality check - people cause accidents. Instead of wasting time on this law, let's put some money into actually teaching kids how to drive before we throw them on the road. I am constantly amazed at some of the bad decisions I see from drivers on the road. It should be much harder to get a license - and it should be hard to keep one. If we put better drivers on the road then we'll have fewer accidents.

3. How about safe sex? How many schools aren't allowed to teach anything but abstinence because they would lose their government funding? How many pharmacists refuse to dispense birth control because it's against their beliefs? How can a teenager make an informed choice about sex if they aren't given all the facts? Abstinence really isn't a choice if that's all you show them. If they want fewer teen pregnancies and STD-issues then teach people how to be safe. You can still tell them to not have sex if you want... but let it be their choice.

I guess the real point of my rant is that I'm tired of regulation before education. We spend so much time punishing people who do something wrong, and not enough time teaching people how to do something right.

ok I think I'm done.

The Long-Awaited Wedding Toast

I know all my readers have been sitting on the edge of their seats for the past few months, just waiting for me to post some clips from Trian's wedding. I may add a few later - but the most important video was my wedding toast (obviously). I've embedded it below. But first, a few words on a toast.

For those of you who dread the idea of standing in front of a large audience and giving a speech about your friend, then here are some tips to help:

1. Drink alcohol first - no, seriously. Don't get wasted or anything... but 2 or 3 drinks will begin to loosen you up a bit. Nothing ruins a toast faster then a guy whose voice is cracking more than when he went through puberty.

2. If you're not giving the only speech then write more then one version. Consider the following situation: You write a funny toast. But at the wedding, someone else gives a toast before you and they are much funnier than you will ever be in your lifetime. If you try to follow that act then you'll be ridiculed for the rest of the day. So write a funny toast, and a serious toast. That way you are prepared for anything. Luckily, everyone who went before me was very serious so I was allowed to bring the funny.

3. Consider your audience. You need to speak in a language that they understand. If there are a lot of old people at the wedding then don't bust out any ebonics. Likewise, don't go making sex/alcohol jokes to a bunch of bible-thumpers.

4. Memorize your speech (or at least most of it). Having note cards is fine, but don't stand there with your face in a book the whole time. Talk to the crowd.

5. Practice your speech to other people. This will let you iron out the kinks and make changes. I spent 2 weeks writing my speech and must have told it to 10 different people to find out what parts weren't funny enough.

6. Be careful of the content. This relates to #3. If you're a guy, you can make fun of the groom. If you're a girl, you can make fun of the bride. The closer you are to the person, the meaner you can be. But be careful not to cross the line. And be careful not to bring up that story about the hookers in Tijuana... because no one wants to hear about it.

And without further ado, here is my semi-acceptable wedding toast. Let the insults begin.

NOTE: The first 8 or 9 seconds have a still-image... then it fixes itself

Entitlement is a 4-letter word

Oh boy - this one is gonna move around a bit - so try to keep up.

I'm going to refer to this bit later on - but I think it's interesting so let's do it first. Try this exercise for me. On a piece of paper, draw 3 concentric circles (I'm not sure what concentric means really... but we're drawing a VENN diagram). Label each circle with one of the following:

1. Things I love to do
2. Things I'm good at
3. Things I can get paid to do

Then start filling it in. After a while you will notice that some items fall into multiple circles. For instance, I love to watch movies. I am also good at watching movies. However, I haven't yet found a way to get paid to watch movies... so I can only list this one in 2 out of the 3 circles. Ok I'm going to get back to this later on in the post.

Do you ever think about why you chose your career path? Is it something that you dreamed about doing when you were young? Did it seem like you could make more money in this career than in another job that you may have found more rewarding emotionally?

When you go home at night, do you think about your career - and how you can make yourself better?

See, I'm using the word "career" because it's different than a "job". When you study to gain a skill-set in something, and then plan on doing that in some capacity for a long time - then I would call that a career. Conversely, if you get up at noon and spend your evening saying "would you like fries with that?" then you have a job. But don't fret - people with jobs can keep reading too.

We are the first generation to see college as a necessity. As I was going through high school, they constantly stressed the importance of doing the things that would help me get accepted into the college that I chose. They told me that if I got a degree then I would graduate and enter the work force... and then the money/promotions would start rolling in.

So we went to college, and graduated with our bachelor's degrees, and got jobs. And then we sat in our cubicles and wondered when the big bag of money with our name on it was supposed to get delivered. But it never did. And many of us responded with "What the fuck?!"

And the world says that we have a sense of entitlement. But ya know what I say to the world? It's your fault! (I'm going to avoid even bringing up the paradox I've just created... we simply don't have that kind of time). Let me explain...

50 years ago, most people didn't go to college. They just graduated high school and started working somewhere. So let's say that the promotional ladder in this fake company has 10 rungs. When a person graduated high school he would start at the bottom rung. He would work hard and some day he might make it to middle management (rung 7). Now, some people DID go to college back then. So when they graduated with their fancy business degree they would start working at the company already at rung 5, and jump right past your ignorant parents on the way up.

There are two points I'm trying to make here:
1. Our parents worked HARD because they were never able to work SMART. So today they say we are lazy. Well, we're not... we're just smarter than you.
2. As we grew up, our parents kept telling us that if we went to college then we'd get a great job and make tons of money... because that's what was true back when they were our age! They made us think that we would be handed comfy jobs with big salaries by getting that stupid diploma.

But now we've moved into a new class system. People in the base class all have college diplomas - and they are worth about as much as a high school diploma back in the 50's (except with 80K+ of debt attached). To get into the upper class today you need 2 things: a post-graduate degree, and a passion for your career. Heck, I would even drop the post-graduate degree and just keep the passion part.

The people who get ahead today are the ones who eat, sleep, and breath their career. They are always thinking about how to help their company to better. They spend nights reading up on the latest "methods" so they can be on the forefront of change. They are the ones who have hobbies that are strikingly similar to their career. The best example I can think of is a computer programmer. The programmers I know who are very successful are the ones who go home at night and write programs for fun. Or they read books about the latest languages and standards.

My point is that if you want to make a lot of money and be successful then you had better become passionate about what you do. You need to constantly work at it - day and night.

So let's talk about the 3 overlapping (I know what that word means at least) circles from the beginning of this post. Ideally you want your career to fall into all 3 circles. Most people have careers that fall into 2 of the 3 circles. If your career only falls into the category of "things I can get paid to do" then you need to find a new career.

I think there are a lot of us out there who choose careers before we really know if we like it or not. Society forces us to make life-altering choices without full knowledge of the consequences.

Well anyway, this is the kind of stuff that has been on my mind. See, I have my career. And I have some hobbies which are similar. But then I have some hobbies which are not similar. For instance, I love movies. I love watching them, and talking about them, and would love to make them. I am even currently writing a script (not because I think it would ever make money... I just really wanted to get an idea on paper). So I often wonder if I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I should go to hollywood and make movies, instead.

The other reason I am thinking about this stuff is that we only have so many hours in the day. We can't do it all. We can't have a million hobbies and side-projects. At some point, you have to choose a path. Well lately I've been adding quite a few things to my daily "regime" and it's getting pretty crowded. So I think I need to stop some hobbies.

You should look at yourself for a bit and reflect. Do you like what you do? Are you willing to put in the effort to succeed? Are your hobbies indicating that you are in the wrong career? Or maybe indicating that you have the wrong hobbies?

Or maybe I'm just a complete nut-case who needs to stop whining and writing super long blog posts that don't really go anywhere. Can I get an Amen?

She blinded me with [computer] Science!

Sunday October 19th - Las Vegas, NV - 10:00 AM Local Time

I jerked awake in a haze of disorientation, pain, and nausea. I had only been asleep for 2 hours. I could barely stand up, but we needed to check out of Harrah's by 11. As I stood there in my room contemplating if I should throw up now or later, I wondered how I let myself get this far out of control... and then I remembered.

Two days earlier, I was given some disturbing news. My job security in the coming months was bad. The phrases, "budget cuts" and "lay-offs" were used. So at that moment I decided what needed to happen. If I was going to be unemployed in a month then I was going to make damn sure that this was the best vacation EVER. I had 48 hours before I needed to be on a plane back home, and a bank account with a good chunk of change set aside for "emergencies"... and this seemed to count as one.

I was gonna have some fun.

Over the next 2 days I:
- slept 4 hours total
- ate 2 small meals
- drank one glass of water
- drank LOTS of Red Bull and Vodka
- won lots of money at the tables
- spent it all at the bars/clubs

I only had a few hours that I can't recall exactly on saturday night. Luckily, I befriended a nice dancer who filled in some of those details through facebook later on.

The fun ended with a sunday morning 7AM mad dash (literally sprinting) down the strip to make sure a friend got to his plane on time. Then I stumbled back to my room and passed out. For 2 hours.

Let's jump forward to later Sunday morning. I decided that throwing up now AND later was the best idea. Then, while in my momentary state of feeling better, I started to fill my body with water, stomach medicine, headache medicine, and caffeine. I just needed to function for another 12 hours before I could be in my bed.

(I am getting to a point with all this... I just wanted to set the stage first)

So fast forward to around 2PM. We were finally on the plane. I was hurting pretty bad but thought I could keep it together for the flight home. I was sitting in a middle seat. Trian was at the window. Then this girl sits next to me in the aisle seat.

She's around my age. She's cute, and I can see a lower-back tattoo peaking out when she sits down. And then she starts fidgeting. And complaining. She hates sitting in the back of the plane. She doesn't like that some people around us have babies that are already starting to cry. It's just a constant stream - and I think she's just talking out loud and not necessarily to anyone specific. And then she's complaining that it's too hot in here.

So I turn my head towards her. And somehow fight through the pain and nausea to say, "Well [pause to breathe] any part of the plane [pause] that I'm in [pause] is always hot."

I really said that. And I sounded just like the black kid in Malcolm in the Middle who was in that wheel-chair and had asthma.

Well she finally stops talking, and she looks at me, and after a few seconds she says "was that a joke?"

me: "yeah"

her: "oh ... ok"

And then we started actually talking. We never stopped the whole way home. I learned that we had a lot in common. We both worked in IT, liked motorcycles and tattoos. We really seemed to click.

As we landed, I asked if I could show her around some time, because she was new to the area and hadn't explored philadelphia yet. She said yes.

I felt like "the man". In my half-dead state, I hit on a girl and got her number. Everything was coming up Millhouse!

Now let's jump ahead, because the point of this story isn't really about us dating. The point is how we began, and how we ended. So let's skip ahead.

Two months, and a few dates, later she was taking a trip to Asia for New Years Eve. I was excited to see her when she got back because she hadn't been to Delaware yet and I had some fun plans already in my mind.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't get to try any of those fun plans. In fact, I wouldn't get to try any plans at all. Why?

...because she was engaged when she came back to the US (And not to me).

To say the least, I was a little surprised. I mean, I couldn't be too upset or angry because we had only been on a few dates. I don't think you could say that we were even really "dating". On the other hand, I was fairly upset that I found all this out through facebook. She didn't tell me directly for a few more days. That really pissed me off.

But such is life. I got over it in a few days. And I'm not going to dig into the details here... it's not the point. You see, I bring all this up because of a conversation I had with a friend last night.

I told her the complete version from beginning to end. I even expressed how excited I had been, because if we became a couple then the story of "how we met" would be a great one to tell people.

Then she laid some knowledge on me.

I was looking at it all from the perspective that it was so cool that I had met a girl on the way back from Vegas - and that it could really turn in to something, and be a great story.

Her perspective was that, the chances of it working between us were just too slim. The chances of sitting next to a girl, on a plane, coming back from the city where "what happens stays there", and hitting it off, then her turning into "the one"... were just too slim. You don't meet future wives that way.

In truth, neither one of us is right. Or both of us are right... depends on how you look at it. I guess the advice that goes along with this story is that you should always try to see a person for who they are. Don't get distracted by unimportant details like the stuff they own, or how you met, etc. Because the attraction to those things will wear off eventually... and then you're just left with that person.

Also - life is too short to get mad about things. I got over my anger, and now I just have a funny story that I can share with people.

...I can't wait to go back to Vegas.

Dating and the Spanish Inquisition

A few weeks ago I gained a new perspective on relationships. Oddly enough, it happened while watching the movie Four Christmases. I was going to let it go but then the same topic came up in conversation this week. So I wanted to share my insight with the world. But first, let's jump back in time a bit.

I have a friend. We'll call him Sam Seaborn (he was my favorite West Wing character). Over the years, Sam and I have had a lot of conversations about women and dating. One area that we had different opinions on was: How much should you know about your partner's past?

I've always been of the opinion that I am happy to hear whatever a girl wants to tell me about her ex-partners, but I won't pry. She can keep it a secret if she wants. In fact, I had always believed that the best relationships were successful BECAUSE each partner knew when it was appropriate to keep something a secret.

Sam, on the other hand, wanted to know everything about the girl that he was dating. He wanted to know who they were, what they did, why they broke up, yada yada yada. From what I know of his past, Sam had parents who did the same thing with him. They seemed to keep him on a tight leash. So I figured that that was the reason he did that with his girlfriends. To be honest, I thought it was a little unhealthy. And then I saw Four Christmases.

For those of you who read my blog but live under a rock, and don't see movie previews, I'll give a short description. Four Christmases tells the Story of a couple who both come from dysfunctional families and they avoid them at all cost. They have a great relationship and don't feel the need to mess it up with marriage or kids or anything. Each year, at Christmas, they take a tropical vacation instead of visiting family. But when their flights get cancelled, they are forced to visit all four families (their parents are all divorced) in one day.

Of course, lots of funny situations come up, and the couple's relationship is tested. But that isn't the point. There is a sub-plot about how all the other couples in the movie know everything about their partners. They have no secrets, and that allows them to be completely open and intimate. It makes their relationships better.

I could go on about that stuff for a while but you get the idea. So now it all got me thinking. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to have no secrets from your significant other. Maybe it actually adds to the relationship. Maybe Sam wasn't a weirdo after all.

The only problem I see with this is that you have to be careful not to judge the person for what they tell you. You need an open mind - or they might be afraid to open up. So perhaps I've just never met someone who made me feel comfortable enough to be completely open with. And perhaps Sam is still a little strange for prying into his girlfriend's past so early on in the relationship. But I think that maybe he has the right idea.

The next time I find myself in a relationship I'll give it a try.

Crossing Signals: A Mars and Venus Introspection

Animals don't speak the same language. Dogs bark. Cows moo. You get the idea. But the reason that they can co-exist is that they use a physical language. They use actions instead of words. They growl, cower, hide, lick, etc and find ways to get their points across.

People do this too.

You can identify a bully by his physical movements. You can identify a hardcore nerd the same way. But let's skip over that part. This blog is about my thoughts on love and relationships (I apologize if my advice over the years has gotten any of you in trouble... though it really serves you right for listening)

Let's go back to my college years for a story. I hope I haven't told this one before.

There was a girl that I liked. And instead of using the normal "be mean to her so she knows I like her" routine, I decided to try showing an interest and let the rest work itself out. So I ate lunch with her a few times, and talked to her at parties, ya know, normal stuff. And then came one fateful night that confused me for a long time.

On one particular Saturday night, she called me just before midnight (not late by college standards) to see if I wanted to watch a movie. Now, everyone knows that this is a "code". By asking to watch a movie so late at night on a weekend she was telling me that I was "in". And so she comes over and we watched Being John Malkovich.

Ok let me take a break here to talk about how I operate in these situations. You see, the last thing anyone wants is to lean in for a kiss and be denied. It sucks (um, not that it's ever happened to me). And so I use a method that I call "knocking on the door". It's really not a method... and it's not original... but I put forth a series of signals to see how she responds. I might slide closer to her on the couch or put my hand on her leg. That way, if she isn't interested then she can just slide away or remove my hand. On the other hand, if she IS interested then she would respond in kind by snuggling against me or putting her hand on top of mine. It seems simple right? Sure, this works fine 99% of the time. EXCEPT IF SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOUR SIGNALS. Now back to the story.

So I slide close to her on the couch. She doesn't respond... just sits there. Then the movie ends and we put on TV and start talking (it's around 2AM). Since I didn't get a response to my first signal I decide to move on to #2 and I put my hand on her leg. nothin. She just sits there and keeps talking to me. She's not showing that any of the things I'm doing are bad... she just isn't giving any signals back.

Well, to make a long story short, this goes on until 7AM... me giving signals and her accepting them but not responding. We're tired and I decide to drive her home.

After that night we hang out once or twice more but then all of a sudden she starts ignoring me and hangs out with some other guy. That's not really relevant to the story, though.

Every now and then we would talk after that (usually on AIM) and once or twice I asked if she really just wanted to come over and watch a movie that night... that she didn't have any alterior motives. Of course, she acted innocently and said that the movie was all she was after.

But wait, there's more. Two or three years later we were talking - and I flipped out at her for something and I guess my old frustrations from that night (I tend to not let things go very quickly) began to resurface. While arguing, she admitted that she really wanted me to kiss her that night and she didn't understand why I didn't do it. This, of course, made me freak out and rant for hours about how daft she was.

Alright let's move back to the present and explain why that story needed to be told.

Recently, I was on a few dates with a girl. Actually, the story about how we met is pretty funny but I don't want to get off topic. So I get into the same situation as what happened in college. I think that she likes me, and she accepts my advances... but never gives any signals back.

We went through 2 dates like this. I was beginning to think that maybe she was just looking for a friend to hang out with.

Well, I was determined to not let this one end the same way as in college - so on the third date I just decided to kiss her at a random point in the night. And ya know what? it worked.

What I had to realize was that not everyone uses (or interprets) the same signals. I guess that's part of building a relationship with someone... learning what those signals are.

So my advice is this: If you're with someone and you feel like your signals are getting crossed then take a step back and try to see if she might be using a different set of signals than what you're used to. It may just save the date.

...but don't take my word for it.

Some Christmas Hilarity

A friend sent me this link (good work, April). It's an acapella group named Straight No chaser. They are really talented and like to do funny songs. Well this is an interesting Christmas Melody that made me laugh a lot. check it out.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Ok by now anyone who knows me must know that I have an unhealthy obsession with christmas movies. But what most people don't know if WHY I have this unhealthy obsession. So instead of just listing the new movies I purchased this year (don't worry, I will at the end) I wanted to share a story.

2004 was a good year for me, but a bad year for my family.

In that year, I graduated from college and got my first (and then second) real job. I began adulthood.

My family wasn't so lucky. In July of that year we had the South Jersey floods. My sister's house was basically wiped out. My grandmother's house was badly damaged. My parents house had some problems. Plus cars and property and such. It was pretty tragic.

In October of 2004, my grandmother died.

In November 2004, my grandfather died. He was Robert Thomas Harford Sr. and I'm the 3rd. This was 3 days before my birthday. I didn't even celebrate it that year.

So by the time December rolled around, there wasn't much happiness or "christmas spirit" going around. And then one day I was out shopping and came across a DVD box set of Christmas Classics like Rudolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Comin to Town, etc. I already collected movies but it never occured to me to buy a christmas movie. So I went online and ordered a few more.

Then something happened which made 2004 a lot better for me.

I spent the weekend with someone special. We spent the whole time wrapping christmas presents, watching christmas movies, and baking christmas cookies. It was the greatest weekend ever. It brought me out of my fog, and made me happy again.

So I guess each year I've tried to recreate that weekend. I buy a bunch of new DVDs and spend every weekend in december trying to follow that tradition. And no matter how good or bad things are for me each year, those weekends make me feel really good.

Well anyway - I don't know if I have any great additions to my collection this year. Just lots of random stuff - plus I lost a few in the divorce and had to replace them. So here are some latest additions:

1. White Christmas
2. Muppet Family Christmas
3. The Christmas Toy
4. Flintstones Christmas Carol
5. Home for the Holidays
6. Mickey's Magical Christmas
7. The Littles - Christmas Special
8. Arthur's Christmas Special
9. Looney Tunes Christmas Special
10. Tom & Jerry - Paws for a Holiday

Rob's party tip of the day

If you're ever having a party - in which you plan to do copious amounts of drinking - then leave your cell phone upstairs in your bedroom. I apparently went on a tirade of phone calls saturday night (or should I say sunday morning), some of which I'm still finding out about. It was not pretty.

I blame the Flaming Dr. Peppers. I think they are officially off the menu at future parties.

You can't win if you don't play

In my long 27 (almost 28) years on this planet, I've noticed a trend. And I think I need to educate some of you readers on this great issue. Please take this advice to heart - you'll thank me later.

If you're constantly meeting people of the opposite sex who turn out to be crappy candidates for a relationship then YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

I will amend that with one more statement, though.

If you're out there trying to meet new people and it isn't working for you, AND you're not doing anything wrong, then YOUR STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH.

But we'll get back to that one. Let's focus on the first statement for now.

This past weekend I was hanging out with a bunch of friends from my college Ultimate Frisbee team. When we get together, we act like we're in college again. Lots of binge drinking, and general jack-ass-ery. This includes the men AND women.

But there was something different this time. Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on at first. And then it hit me.

They were married.

A lot of the people at that party were already hitched. And their spouses were at the party too. But here's the kicker... their spouses fit right in with us.

In a past relationship that I won't name, I kept my girlfriend far far away from any ultimate frisbee gatherings because I knew she would just wind up offended and bored. She didn't fit in with these people, and therefore she didn't fit in with a part of me.

This made me start to think about what kind of woman I wanted to find... and where that kind of woman would hang out. Sure, it seems obvious but I never really considered it before.

If I wanted to find a woman who could let her hair down and pretend she's a college kid for a night then I'd probably find one at a crazy party or a club or vegas. AND, one of the first things that I would find out about that girl is what she was like in college. If she didn't party back then, then she probably won't party now.

So that's my first bit of advice. If you have had a run of bad luck picking dates then take a moment to decide what kind of person you want to find and then figure out where those people hang out.

Now let's move on to the second bit.

I don't consider myself to be an amazingly handsome guy. I have no complaints with the way I look, mind you... but I don't rank myself up there with Ryan Reynolds (he's so dreamy). Therefore, I don't try to go nab super models or spoiled rich brats. It's not necessarily that they are out of my league... but they probably don't mesh with my behaviors and lifestyle.

So that's my second point. If you have found the kind of people you want to date, AND you know where they hang out, BUT it hasn't been working so far, THEN you either need to change yourself OR change your standards.

If I wanted to get a girl who goes to the club and parties and dances then I can't go to the club and sit around waiting to talk to one of them... I would need to learn to dance. I would have to change my tactics to make myself more attractive to those people.

In short, my advice is to stop whining and go meet someone... but take some time to plan it out and do it right.

Thus endeth the advice from a man who has problems emotionally committing to women right now.

Bright Light city gonna set my soul on fire...

WARNING: the following post contains profanity and bad jokes.

I'm still workin on that wedding post. Some of the source material has yet to hit youtube but I've been told that it will be soon.

So in the meantime let's share a lighter note.

A few weeks ago I was in Vegas. From Friday night to Sunday night I slept a total of 4 hrs. I ate one meal. I drank one glass of water. And the rest was alcohol. I was a mess by the time we flew home.

Obviously, I can't share most of my stories from the trip. But there was one amusing evening that people will get a kick out of. Well, only if you know Trian.

Here's a guy who doesn't really do the whole Vegas Thing. He doesn't drink in excess, gamble in excess, go to strip clubs in excess, etc. He's generally a nice, polite, quiet person.

Well on our second night in my favorite city, I taught Trian how to play Craps. Anyone who plays Craps knows that there are a million different bets that you can make, OR just play some very basic strategies. I was encouraging Trian to follow my lead on some straightforward moves. And we were winning money. So then he got caught up in it all. As other people would yell out the more complicated bets ("five dollars on hard eight!") Trian would do it too.

All of a sudden one of his crazy bets paid off 10 to 1. The guy running the table pointed at Trian and said "he gets $50".

At this moment, nice quiet Trian throws his hands in the air and (with a lot of co-workers around him) screams...

"PAY ME MOTHER FUCKER!"

the dealer next to Trian was an elderly black man who just said "That's Mr. Motherfucker to you, son"

I wish someone could have taken a picture of him yelling that... and then of him turning red afterwards.

Fortunately, Trian threw his hands in the air quite a few times that weekend... so we got a shot of him doing it later on...

Man, I love Vegas...

The Family that rides together...

This past weekend we gave my sister a late birthday present.... her first motorcycle. Below is a picture of the 3 of us before going for a ride.

(un)Useful advice from adults

Whenever you watch a family-style movie there's always a scene where a parent gives some sage advice to their child. The kid is going through a major emotional crisis and this advice just magically makes it all better.

The problem with scenes like this is that it makes us believe that we can really do this with our kids. When I was younger I thought about being a father some day and always giving my son important advice to help him as he grows up. Heck, I still think about that. But ya know what? 90% of my advice will be crap that the kid doesn't listen to.

Think about it. How often has someone given you advice that you thought was stupid or inapplicable to the situation? "Sorry your girlfriend broke up with you, Jimmy. But think about it, every relationship you have is destined to failure until you find that right girl to marry." Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. But you get my point.

And this blog post isn't about that. In fact, I'm here to pass on some advice I received that was actually useful.

A majority of the people I know in this world are older than me. My clients, my teammates, the guys I play poker with, etc. So I often find someone trying to pass along a nugget of wisdom. And it's usually crap. Until a few months ago.

I was sitting at the poker table. I forget the conversation but I think I was commenting on the uncertainty of my future (career-wise). In fact, I often find myself uncertain of everything in life. What job do I want. Where do I want to live. What kind of woman do I want to marry. I feel like there are so many choices and directions that it's almost an overload.

And the guys at the table said that this was the one advantage of getting older. They said that by the time you get into your late 30s you don't have that uncertainty anymore (usually). By then most people have gotten married and have kids. They've settled down into a career in a city somewhere. In short, they've made their choices.

So, by then you come to accept that your life has taken one of those proverbial paths. You look forward to improving it, of course... but you're hopefully happy with the direction.

That made me feel better. Because I can't imagine going through the rest of my life always wondering which way to go.

Netflix VS Blockbuster - a winner

A few years ago, I signed up for Blockbuster Online. This was a service much like Netflix. I got 3 movies at a time in the mail, and would maintain a queue of the movies I wanted on their website. I think the cost was $17.99. But the reason that I chose this over Netflix was because I didn't have to send my movies back in the mail to get new ones. Instead, I could go to a blockbuster store and get free in-store exchanges. Basically, I would get my 3 movies in the mail and watch them, and then take them in to a store and exchange them for 3 store movies, and as soon as my online movies got checked into the system then they would mail out my next 3 online movies. It was great. AND you also got a coupon each month to rent a game for free.

But then they screwed us. First, the price went up by a few dollars each month. Then they limited us to 5 free in-store exchanges per month. Then they took away my coupon for the free game.

So they were charging us more and giving us less.

The only reason I stayed was because it was still convenient to get my in-store exchanges.

Until recently, that is.

A while back, Spaced came out on DVD. If you don't know what it is then just replace that with some TV show you like on DVD. Well, I put it at the top of my online queue but it had a "very long wait". So I went to the store to get it - but none of the stores carried it. There was literally no way to get it (aside from buying it)

So I started a contest. I signed up for Netflix and put Spaced at the top of my queue. I decided that whichever service sent me Spaced first would win - and I would get rid of the loser.

Well, after only a few weeks, Netflix has sent me Spaced. While I don't get the convenience of in-store exchanges, I DO get a larger library of movies and more copies of each title. So I wait a little longer to get something but I'm more likely to get to see anything I want.

In Short, Netflix is cool - and Blockbuster is gone from my life.

All Hail Netflix!

We were on a break!

I have a post coming about wedding toasts but it will have to wait for the footage of my last toast to hit youtube so I can embed it. Until then, let's talk about the transition from one relationship to the next.

The point of this is not to say that I'm in a new relationship. I'm not. Instead, I want to look at the recovery period one goes through after a break-up.

Why am I writing about it? Because this is the first time I actually went through it. But we're jumping ahead.

We've all been through a break-up. Ok, that's not true. I've known at least one person who married his first girlfriend, but that's neither here nor there.

Most of us have gone through a break-up. And regardless of whether you were the breaker or the breakee, you have to go through a healing process...in a manner of speaking. I think there are a few main ways in which a person will act after a break-up.

1. They jump into another relationship.
2. They sit around pining for their lost love, or try to get them back.
3. They take the time to heal.

In the past I had often taken paths 1 or 2. They are the easy ways out, at least in the short-term. But they also carry the biggest baggage. So this time around I opted for number 3. Sort of.

They say that you can calculate the "healing time" from a break-up by take the total number of months you spent together and divide that by 2. So if you dated someone for a year, then it should take 6 months to heal. But what does that mean exactly? Let's break it down.

I believe there are 2 parts to healing from a break-up. First, you have to build up a wall again. In a relationship you let down your guard and become exposed to your partner. Once you break up you need to learn to close back up again. Otherwise, you could project your feelings right on to a new person prematurely. And this is common sense. We all know this part.

But here's a new part that I hadn't been aware of until recently. Once you close off your heart again, you have to open it up some. After you're closed up, you don't have the ability to become emotionally involved with someone. You just can't do it. You're too guarded, and afraid of the pain that goes along with it.

People often overlook this phase, because once you close everything up then you're ready to date again. You're ready to get out there and meet new people. Unfortunately, you're doomed to failure because you won't be able to make any real connections.

I found that I was ready to get out and date again after only 3 or 4 months. But it took another month or two before I realized that I wasn't making any "connections" with the girls I dated. So each one would end after a few dates because I thought I just wasn't interested in them.

So I know this is a total rambling post (more so than usual) but here is my advice.
1. Take a while to heal after a break-up.
2. If you're in phase 2 and start dating someone then let them know up front what you're going through. I bet they will understand - and it takes the pressure off you to feel something that you don't.
3. If you're going to break up with a girl - don't say that it's because you just aren't in a place to get emotionally attached. They will read that as "I'm not in a place to get emotionally attached to YOU." and nothing you say will change their minds. So in this case I suggest lying. Make up something that doesn't leave them feeling so dejected, since it really isn't there fault.

Anyway, always remember to take any of my advice with a gigantic mountain-sized grain of salt. Because we all know I'm far from perfect.

Why we have laws - Part 2

Read the previous post first HERE

After talking with a friend last week, I wanted to add a thought. This is only partially related to the whole pro-life / pro-choice argument.

Let's look at this hypothetical situation:

I meet a girl. we go on a few dates. We sleep together. We break up. She finds out that she's pregnant. Now, let's back up to the part where we broke up.

After a month I found out that she had a part-time job and no motivation to do anything better in her life. She was lazy and just wanted someone to take care of her forever. She was basically a gold-digger. And so I left her.

Now she's pregnant. The common belief is that she has all the power when deciding whether or not to have the child. Because this is part of her body and I have "nothing to do with it".

But that really isn't true. Because if she decides to have the child then I will get sued for child-support for the next 18 years.

So let's summarize this: We both made a choice to have sex. Then she gets pregnant and SHE gets the choice to have (or abort) the child. But if she has the baby then I have no choice whether or not to support them financially (or in other ways).

Where's my choice? Why does she get all the power? It doesn't just affect her.

I think that there should be some forms out there where if we break up and she gets pregnant then I can sign a form saying that I am protesting the pregnancy. Then if she wants to have it she can do it herself.

Obviously, this is a much more complicated situation than I am getting in to. AND I'm looking at the specific situation where the woman chooses to have the child simply to screw me and continue her lazy habits. AND I'm not even getting into a "custody battle" discussion.

My point is that I think men deserve a choice in the matter. We're past the age of "It's all the man's fault"... 2 people choose to have sex - so 2 people should choose to keep or abort the child.

So, women readers (I have at least 2 or 3 of you)... any thoughts?

Why we have laws - a personal revelation

Every now and then, I surprise myself.

Sometimes it's because I'll be having a conversation with myself in my head, and ask myself a question (that I think I don't know) and then provide myself with the answer. That doesn't happen often but when it does I get all weirded out.

Lately, in the past few years, I surprise myself when I realize that I've changed in some way. Mainly this has to do with my belief system (general beliefs, not necessarily religious beliefs).

A few years ago I realized that I had become a firm supporter of the separation of Church and State. I have nothing against someone expressing their religious belief... it's not that. What I am against is the smaller things like celebrating christmas and easter (christian holidays) and saying "one nation under god" in the pledge of allegiance. I am against a public school system doing things that alienates children of different beliefs (or no beliefs). Strangely enough, what really made me realize that I felt this way was an episode of the West Wing. One of the jewish characters had a short monologue about being the "odd kid out" when he was growing up because he didn't share the same beliefs. And that just isn't right.

But that's not what I'm talking about today.

A little while ago I realized that I was Pro-Choice when it came to the abortion issue. I feel that there should be no federal law telling a woman that she can't have an abortion EXCEPT if they one day prove that it is the equivalent of murder.

Now, this has nothing to do with my personal beliefs about abortion. I believe that sex has consequences and you have to live with them. But that's my own personal belief and I don't think that anyone else should have to follow it.

Laws should be made to stop people from hurting other people (or property). Laws should be made to keep people from doing bad things. We shouldn't make unnecessary laws that could help prevent other laws from being broken.

For instance, when I was in college they passed a new law preventing bars on campus from having drink specials after 9PM. They did this because they felt there was too much "drinking and driving" going on (and general binge drinking by students) and they wanted to suppress it. They penalized the majority instead of focusing on the minority. It really infuriated me. Why couldn't they just increase penalties for those that drive drunk? Or put out a few more check points?

Anyway, that's a total side point.

So ending with a question...

I know very little about the difference between republicans and democrats. With these beliefs, which way do I lean? And feel free to reference libertarians in the answer (because I like the sound of them).

Dating out of your League

A few years ago I wrote a post about pivotal moments that can significantly change your life. You can read it here. In that post, I mentioned that one of my pivotal moments had centered around a girl. You see, I felt that there had been a specific moment where I had the chance to win over a girl who was way out of my league - and that would have improved my life. But instead I missed my chance and life went on.

Well, tonight I was talking to an ex-girlfriend about another similar situation. I had met a girl a while back and became instantly attracted to her. I developed a classic "School boy crush" on her. But I hardly knew this girl and lost my window of opportunity very quickly. And like that, *poof* she was gone.

The point is that I was telling my ex that I would have been "trading up" if I had been able to go on a date with this new girl. And then my Ex got a little testy when I told her that I hadn't been "trading up" when I dated her. So then I had to delve in to my personal definition of "trading up" and also explain how relative it is.

Afterwards we started talking about how great the word "relative" is... but that's neither here nor there.

Let's talk about Trading Up.

For the purpose of this discussion, we will separate people in to 3 categories. Those that are better than us, those that are the same as us, and those that are not as good as us. And just so I don't sound like a complete ass, I will explain that further in a moment.

To really explain that, we need to talk about the qualities we want in a partner. Let's pick some stereotypical (and vague) attributes like:

Someone who is rich, good looking, smart, funny, talented, motivated, good job, athletic, etc.

Now when you meet someone, you compare them to you in each of these areas. If they score better than you in a lot of them then you would put them in the "better than you" category. If they are better in some areas and worse in some then they are in the same category as you, etc. You get the idea.

Ok back to "trading up". For me, it's not enough that they are a little better than me. To trade up, someone has to be A LOT better. I once chased a girl who was working on a doctorate in a science-related field, was a better runner than I was, was super hot, could sing and dance and play some instruments, and even went to church. She blew me out of the water in most categories. If I had ever dated her then I would have been trading up.

Trading up can be good, if it causes you to be motivated to work hard at your relationship. It can help you to constantly appreciate what you have, and not want to mess it up. Of course, if you trade up too far then you'll have to work too hard... and eventually get tired of always having to work so hard... it's a tricky balance.

Normally, we date people in our own class. That's common. That's normal. So to all of my ex's, please don't be offended when I say I never traded up with you.

Ever been with someone who had a crappy job, no motivation to better themselves, and you wondered why you were even with them? That's dating down. Don't do that.

So, um, I guess that's it. I hope you've learned something. But don't take my word for it (insert Reading Ranbow music)